S.P.A.M.

I just received the following e-mail quoted, in part, below:

> Dear Candidate,
>
> You were recently selected by The Office of the Managing
> Director for a free listing on The International Executive
> Guild's Who's Who CD-ROM.
>
> Our Researchers gather information from many recognized
> sources, including professional associations and societies,
> trade organizations, newspaper and magazine articles,
> professional reference publications, web presence, and
> referrals from existing members.
>
> As a highly respected professional in your field of
> expertise, we believe your contributions merit very
> serious consideration for inclusion on The International
> Executive Guild's Who's Who CD-ROM.

I thought I would respond back with something like this -

Dear Sir/Madam - I am truly honored to be considered as candidate. No doubt through your extensive search of professional associations, societies, etc., etc., etc., you have obtained just a mere taste of my remarkable skills. For instance, just today I managed to do seven loads of laundry, sing "Mr. Golden Sun" and "Itsy Bitsy Spider" a record breaking twenty two times while simultaneously catching the pitcher of orange juice before it dumped on a two year old head. You will be further amazed to note that I successfully was able to catch the cat before she ran out of the garage, rescue a toddler who was determined to eat dirt and clean a major poopy with the single remaining wipe!!! And all that? Well, that was just in the AM!!!

This afternoon I was able (with my superior negotiation facilties) to avert a bloodbath and contribute to world peace when my 7 year old discovered that her 14 year old sister was playing with her Pokemon cards With my exceptional medical skills, I saved a two year old from a full blown seizure right in the middle of my kitchen floor with a mere wave of a graham cracker - oh, and that was after I retrieved Barney, Pooh, Buzz and several other action figures from certain drowning in the toilet.

We haven't even touched my executive accounting expertise! This is the champagne life on a beer budget!! As a matter of fact, just this evening I was able to to fool the troops into believing they were getting extra perks with a sensational casserole. Only you and I know it was Sunday night's sauce that I simply mixed with macaroni and topped with cheese.

I know you are bound to be impressed by my additional talents, so feel free to make further inquires. And if I don't hear back from you, I'll hold out for the Nobel Prize.

Thanks again for that wonderful spam!