The War At Home

Why did I leave home? I will tell you, I left because of my sisters. I like to refer to them as headaches, and their names are Jillian, Sheila, and Molly. Being the eldest is not fun at all. You kind of get pushed to the bottom of the food chain when you have younger siblings, you sort of become invisible to everyone in the family. I was never jealous of my sisters, I just hated them for the longest time. They tend to say the oldest is the most spoiled, in my case that wasn't true.

Things were fine until I was in my pre-teens, that's when everything got ugly. We would fight like a bunch of wildcats. Anything from pulling hair to knock-down-drag-out fights. We did more screaming than anything else. The thing that would set me off the most, would be when I was away, they would raid my room and tear it up from stem to stern. Once I was away at my grandma Mary's house for the weekend, and when I came home, my room looked like ground zero. I couldn't see the floor, my toys and books were scattered everywhere. That made steam come rolling out of my ears like you wouldn't believe. And of course, I would come after them and beat the tar out of them, then I would get punished as a result, and that made my sisters believe that it was okay to mess up my room.

I can recall one incident(and this is embarrassing, but I will tell it anyway), we were in the grocery store with mom, it was Jill, Sheila, and I. Molly was just a baby, and couldn't do anything mean to me, yet. I was walking in the front of everyone, and Jill being the devil's child that she was, told Sheila to go and bite me. Well, she did, not only did she bite me, but she bit me in the butt. I screamed like I was being set on fire. And my so-called mother, punished me instead, by hitting me in front of everyone at the store, which made me cry more. Plus I was grounded for a week. It should've been Jill and Sheila that got punished. I was 12 at the time when that happened. The worst stuff occurred in my teens.

It seemed like I was the only one who got punished for anything. My parents didn't help matters either. This is not to offend anyone, but some parents are really stupid when it comes to raising their children. It's like they have no clue at all when it comes to child rearing, and to me these are the people who should've never reproduced in the first place. My mother is one of them. My dad is not one of those people, its just that he should've had children at a later time, but if he did, I wouldn't be here in the first place.

When my parents got divorced, the sibling rivalry got worse. I can remember a time when I was sitting watching tv, and my sisters were right behind me, and being the little jerks they were, they hauled off and hurled a heavy plastic cup in my direction. I wasn't expecting this, and it hit me square in the head, and it hurt like a mother. I can't remember what spurned this uncalled for incident. It was probably name calling or they did something that they weren't supposed to be doing and I probably called them out on it.

My relationship with my sisters' improved after I graduated high school and moved out. I was glad to get away. But the headaches didn't stop there. Another thing that eats at me is that my sisters are always stealing my thunder. Either they would get better grades than me, or they are more athletic than me, one also got married before me, and she and I are 5 years apart in age too, Jill got divorced less than 2 years later(that's what she gets for getting married before she's 20). Then Sheila had a baby before me, I didn't particularly like that either. These things should've happened to me, before they happened to them. Although, I am glad that I didn't marry too young, or have a baby out of wedlock. It just shows that I am more mature than they are anyway. It always disgusted me that my sisters got all of the attention. I was always known as the 'Throw-away child.' Not a very nice term for the oldest child. And it isn't fair to be forgotten by family members. Thankfully, my grandparents never treated me that way.

One of the things that bothered me the most was when people would ask me things like, "Why can't you be more like your younger sisters?" Or, "Your sisters get such excellent grades, what happened to you?" I wasn't dumb, I was mostly a B or C student. My sisters got mostly A's and B's. I tried everything that I could to impress my family and others around me, but it seemed like nothing mattered. No matter what I did, it wasn't good enough. I was smart in my own way, science was my strongest skill, and so I made up for it in college, by getting good grades. That didn't even impress anyone. I was always ignored by everyone, except my grandparents didn't ignore me.

And the number one thing that really upsets me, is when my family members tell me that I am acting like my mother. My mom and I are nothing alike. My mother is a headcase, I am not. Just because I show a hint of emotion from being upset, or I hang up on somebody, they say, "Your acting just like your mother." I take that into major offense. If I hang up on someone, it usually means that they were putting me through some type of abuse or they said something to upset me. Hey, why should I have to put up with any of that? I hate negativity, and I refuse to take abuse and harrassment from people. And showing emotion because I am upset with something someone did, is completely normal, and I am not ashamed in the very least. If I didn't show emotion, I wouldn't be human.

This crap is the reason why I moved away from home. I haven't been home in almost 4 years. I needed to get out and spread my wings, and have my own identity. If I hadn't moved away, I don't think that I would've had the success that I've had recently. I would've been a nameless person if I had stayed. And, I pretty much felt like no one wanted me around anyway. I was tired of being in the shadows of my sisters.

This story wasn't about pittying myself, it's not a 'woe is me', or even a 'poor me' story. It's about wanting people to see and to understand how I feel. But going through all of this had not changed my sweet and generous personality! I get along great with my sisters now. Things aren't as bad as they were. At least I have my own life, I am far enough away to be my own person, and do things my way!