Soon

Soon

I unlock the door stepping into a warm muggy living room. He turned off the AC again. I set my purse on the counter and kick off my shoes. I feel a sudden breeze coming from the open balcony door I hadn't noticed was open.

The curtain blows aside from the brief gust and I see the back of his head as he gazed out over the creek. I find him like this often now. He sits in that plastic chair with a cigar between his lips and a beer in his hand. Today he had also a notebook on his knee. He hadn't noticed me at the door yet; so deep in thought he didn't hear me tossing my key's on the table. The cigar reminds me of my great grandpa but this smoker is nothing like the old leathery man who’s gruff voice frightened me as a child.

I know he's been thinking. Not his normal genius thoughts but the common thoughts every man in his position has pondered before him. Who am I, why am I... when will I die....

Soon.

That's what they keep telling him. Soon. Old men with years of study behind their cold eyes confirm that contrary to his belief he is mortal and that he will face it... soon.

I try not to think about it myself. I know it happens. It happens to all of us and I'll deal with it when I have to. In the mean time I'll soak in these quiet moments. Leaning on the door frame looking out at the horizon I run my fingers through his hair. He wears it long now. I don't think he'll ever cut it again. It's like the tally on a prison wall. Every inch is one more month they said he probably would not see.

He didn't say anything as he removed the cigar from his mouth exhaling the smoke in a long plume which ended with a hollowed heart. He always could do things like that; things I couldn't ever do.

I glance at the notebook. The only word on the page was, "Why". No why in particular just why.

He broke the silence, "I figured it out, babe," he said in a simple unceremonious way. "Figured what out?" I asked pulling his head back so I could see his eyes. He looked at me for a long while then pulled me around onto his lap. He looked out over the creek again and slid one arm around my waist and rested the other on my knee, "Everything." He said offering no more explanation.

I kiss him hard on the mouth and just as he starts to respond I pull back and start my dash for the door. He catches my back belt loop and trails me inside. He’s here today and that is worth everything.