Feds Arrest Boy

Yesterday Boychild McJohnson made a decision that disturbed the Gods from their slumber. It was a decision that was sure to alter the lives of many over the years to come; it was a decision that changed the face of history forever. It was a decision that will cost the lives of millions.


Yesterday Boychild McJohnson made a prank-call.


The horror he unleashed upon a local citizen, whose name has been changed for security reasons, is unspeakable. The following is the transcript of the phone call made by Boychild:


Citizen Smooba: Hello?

Boychild: Hello. I was wondering if your refrigerator was running.

Citizen Smooba: Who is this?

Boychild: The refrigerator man.

Citizen Smooba: Oh.

Boychild: Is your refrigerator running?

Citizen Smooba: Let me check.

(five-second interval)

Citizen Smooba: No, it’s not.

Boychild: ...

Citizen Smooba: Why do you want to know?

Boychild: Uh...you better...um...better catch your refrigerator.

Citizen Smooba: But...but it’s not running.

Boychild: Um...

Citizen Smooba: Who is this?

Boychild: The refrigerator man.

Citizen Smooba: Oh.

(ten-second interval)

Citizen Smooba: My refrigerator isn’t running.

Boychild: Yes it is.

Citizen Smooba: Oh.

(fifteen-second interval)

Boychild: ...

(Boychild hangs up.)


Boychild is a new breed of criminal, one who is willing, against all moral standards, to call random people and make crappy jokes. MAKE CRAPPY JOKES OF CRAP!

What Boychild didn’t know was that the local police were listening in. They decided that Boychild’s fate was in the jurisdiction of the federal government (in reality they were preoccupied with exploding and devouring each other’s organs), so they informed the FBI of their discovery.

When contacted by our interviewer, the FBI said, “President dead? Evidence found pointing to us? WHAAAAA....? That’s PREE-posterous!”

“But I...didn’t ask you about the President,” our interviewer stammered.

“Of course we didn’t kill him! We’re the FBI, silly!” the FBI chortled.

“Well, I wasn’t suggesting that - I didn’t...what I mean to say is” -

Tears began to form in the FBI’s eyes.

“Oh, god,” our interviewer said sympathetically, “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings....I’m such a jerk. I’m sorry.”

The FBI proceeded to shoot our interviewer twice in the head.

“DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES,” the FBI said.

When asked by our replacement-interviewer why he proceeded to shoot our interviewer twice in the head and said, “DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES,” the FBI said “Spleen.” He said spleen like a moose.

Boychild McJohnson is currently rotting in a maximum-security prison located in Yourmom!, Ohdissburn.