A Life Without A Love

A Life Without A Love


Niabi and I had known each other since we were children and had always loved each other with a passion, vowing to marry after I had passed the manhood test. Sometimes our family of the Hunka village representing the Sky and the Tsizho village representing the Earth would get together on special occasions and Niabi and I would get to see each other. My father and Niabi’s father were good friends and warriors that had fought along side each other.
As young children, Niabi would say “Misae, do you think we’ll marry when we get older?” To which he would reply by saying “We are both of the Osage tribe, you of the Tsizho village and I of the Hunka village. Our law says that only a member of the Sky village can marry a member of the Earth village and only members of the Earth village can marry a member of the Sky village.”
We lived along the banks of the Missouri River and Niabi’s tribe lived on the Osage River where we learned to grow corn, squash, pumpkins and beans. The Osage women dress themselves with deerskin dresses, woven belts, leggings and moccasins. They wear their hair long and place perfume on their clothing and earrings. The men shave their heads leaving only a scalplock which extends from the forehead to the back of the neck, wearing loin cloths, moccasins, beaded ear ornaments, arm bands and tattooed chests and arms.
Niabi knew that I loved her and I knew that she loved me. We were closer than any of the other children of either of the tribes. Every time I knew we would be seeing each other, I would make her a present and she would also.

One day I was told that it was time to become a man and that I should go far away and live in the woods, shooting buffalo and bear to live. I grabbed my bow and quiver of arrows and headed off excited about the adventure that I was starting. I walked for days before I finally decided that I had gone far enough and began building a lodge for myself.
It took a lot of hard work and many deer skins before I had enough to complete the tepee. The weather was getting cold and I knew that winter would be setting in before long so I killed a bear and after skinning him and drying his hide, I had myself a robe to put around my shoulders to keep me warm on cold days.
One day while I was out of the camp a bear of great size came to my camp and ate the food that I prepared to live on through the winter months. When I returned, I made a vow to kill the bear that had come into my tepee and eaten all the food.
While out hunting I was suddenly taken by surprise by the bear, there was no time for me to use my bow and arrows because the bear was too close to me. I was forced to draw my knife and wrestle the bear hoping to over power him after stabbing him repeatedly but what happened next, I was caught off guard.
With one swing of the large paw I was knocked out and sent tumbling down an embankment. I have no idea how long I lay there unconscious but it must have been some time because when I awoke I was covered up by the snow that had fallen. Raising to my knees, I looked around not knowing where I was or how I had gotten there. I couldn’t remember anything of what had happened and worse, I couldn’t remember my own name.



I stumbled around for quite some time before I finally came across the remains of the hut that I had built. I had forgotten everything that I had been taught and the worse part was that I didn’t remember the one thing in life that I loved the most - Niabi.
Time went by slowly at first but after some time it went faster until months went by and still I was barren of any knowledge that I had, had of my past. I searched throughout the forest trying to find something that would jar my memory but months became years and still I wandered.
I became leery of my surroundings and hid from anyone that I happened upon so as not to be seen and attacked. I eventually learned to use my bow and arrows and even how to make the arrows that I carried in my quiver. Time seemed to be flying by as winter became spring and spring became summer.
I learned how to make my moccasins and a new loin cloth and a few essentials that would eventually get me through. Who am I, what am I doing out here, why am I dressed like this, is anyone looking for me or do I have a family somewhere that may think that I am dead? were questions that plagued me and unable to remember no matter how hard I would try.
One day I happened upon a trading post and crept forward to examine it closer. I could see through the cracks and windows that it had been abandoned some time ago so decided to go inside and rest. I slept for what seemed like days before I awoke sweating. Getting up I looked around for any food that had been left behind and found some cans that I was eventually able to open with my knife.



I ate the beans inside the containers to my fill and took some to hide away for later. I found blankets, clothing, guns and ammunition. After I taught myself how to use the gun, it was much easier hunting the game that I needed to remain alive. Days passed as I remained in the trading post until one day I heard voices in the distance.
Looking out the window, I saw men coming and sat in awe at their color. They were not like me in any way, no, as a matter of fact they were white and spoke in a language that I didn’t understand. I considered shooting them to drive them away but there were too many of them so I slid quietly out and hid in the woods close by.
The white men brought their women and children with them, their wagons were loaded down with all sorts of things that I knew nothing of. I sat scared as the children played near me, unaware that I was watching them. The entire day was spent watching the white men take all sorts of things out of the wagons and I decided that this was no longer safe to stay.
When nightfall came, I crept away into the dark to find my way back to where I had been previously. One night I heard the sound of a bear as it made its way towards my camp which triggered memories of the day that I fought the bear many years ago. Little by little the thoughts would come back to me until one day I knew who I was and what I was doing so far from the tribe.
I wondered about how long I had been in these woods wandering. I wondered if Niabi would remember me and if she would still love me. So many questions were coming now that I couldn’t answer and decided that it was time for me to return to my tribe and get the answers to the many questions that I had.


I started by breaking camp, grabbing the things that I might need in my travels back to the village. Excitement ran through my body, driving me to hurry back to my Niabi but I would have to be cautious now because there were more white men than before.
It took months before I finally caught sight of the village in the distance. My heart leapt into my throat as I realized that I was nearly home but there was something strange about the village that I couldn’t make out.
I didn’t see any smoke coming from the tepee’s and from where I stood I could see no one walking within the village. Had something happened to my people? Where had they all gone? More questions rampaged through my head like a herd of stampeded buffalo and I had no answers for any of them.
It was late afternoon when I finally arrived at the village, finding it deserted. I checked each hut to make sure that I hadn’t missed anyone. The parents and grandparents that I had known and the boys that I grew up with were no longer there. The village was completely void of my people.
It didn’t appear that there had been a battle within the village but the crops were all gone along with all the livestock. There was no trace of anything or anyone and that bothered me. I thought that I would go crazy with all the questions that plagued my mind. I decided to go to the Tsizho village, maybe they could answer the questions. The sun was falling across the sky so I decided to make camp for the night. Making a small fire in one of the huts, I ate some venison and drank some water before turning in for the night.



That night I slept with one hand on my knife and kept alert to the sounds of the woods around me so as not to get caught off guard to anyone that would approach. I woke in the morning to a cold wind coming out of the north making me realize that winter was on it’s way and it wouldn’t be long before the ground would be covered in snow.
Eating a light breakfast, I grabbed up my belongings and headed towards the Tsizho village. The walk was arduous and it took several days before I reached the Tsizho village and there I found it the same as my own village.
Now I was becoming scared not for my life so much as the lives of my people and the people of the Tsizho tribe. It was very peculiar that there was no sign of force in either of the villages and no sign of either of the tribes that once lived there.
What should I do? I kept asking myself? Am I the only one left of the Osage people? Again and again the questions hounded me giving me a headache. The farther I drove on the worse my head hurt until I was forced to make camp early in the afternoon. I gathered some leaves and branches that I could use for a small fire and lay down to rest.
Late into the night I awoke cold and realized that my campfire was almost out. Climbing to my feet I gathered more wood. Once the fire was blazing once again, I lay back for awhile listening to the owls and other creatures as they made their way through the woods until I once again fell asleep.
Morning found me gathering my things, eating a bite of jerky and trying to figure out which way would be the best to head out. I decided to head Northwest towards the Cheyenne village to learn from them what had occurred. Arriving at the village, I found the answer to my question when I came upon a young brave named Huckunniwi.


“I am called Misae from the Hunka tribe. I am in search of some answers about my people, can you help me?” I questioned. “What information do you seek Misae?” replied Huckunniwi. “I have been gone for a long time. When I returned to my village, there was no one there. I went to the Tsizho tribe and they too were gone. Do you know what has happened to my people?” inquired Misae. “Yes, I have heard of the story of your tribe and where they have gone.” responded Huckunniwi. “They have been placed on a reservation at Pawhuska, giving up all their land.” answered Huckunniwi. “Pawhuska? Where is this place you speak of?”demanded Misae.
“It is West of here!” exclaimed Huckunniwi. “Thank you my brother, I will go find my people now.” asserted Misae. And with that he turned and headed West stopping along the way to eat and sleep. After walking for some time, Misae came across another Quapaw brave out hunting for deer. “My name is Misae and I am from the Hunka tribe, do you know where I might find them?” inquired Misae. “Yes, I too am from the Hunka tribe, my name is Hunkaahgre.”
“I have heard of you my brother and how you went out to take your manhood test and never returned.” declared Hunkaahgre. “The village is not far from here, here, let me show you.” smiled Hunkaahgre. Together they visited while walking to the village. When they arrived, Misae was overjoyed to be back and they all had questions of their own to ask.
Sitting down in a tepee Misae asked all kinds of questions but none were so important as the one about the woman he loved. “Where might I find Niabi?” asked Misae. Silence filled the tepee as all the men looked at one another without speaking. “Well, where is she?” he demanded.


“She no longer lives in this village!” declared one of the tribal elders. “Well, where can I find her? Misae asked again. “Niabi loved no one as much as she loved you but when you never returned, we all thought the worse. Niabi’s heart was broken and she could not stand to be without you.” said the elder. “She went to the river and jumped in saying that she would love no other but you killing herself.” the old man continued.
Misae couldn’t find the words to show his feelings but the world had come crashing down on him once again. Walking out of the tepee, he walked far away from the village and sat down on a stump and cried. When he could cry no more he stood with his arms raised to the sky and asked why this had happened to him. Why when he fought the bear, did he have to lose his memory and why had the one he loved so much been taken from him.
The night went on with Misae crying to the gods and praying. When morning came, Misae decided that the only way that he would be reunited with his Niabi would to take his own life. There, farther into the woods, he removed his knife from it’s scabbard and drove it deep into his heart while saying “A life without a love is no life at all.”