  Short Stories
This week: Edited by: Leger~  
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The purpose of this newsletter is to help the Writing.com short story author hone their craft and improve their skills. Along with that I would like to inform, advocate, and create new, fresh ideas for the short story author. Write to me if you have an idea you would like presented.
This week's Short Story Editor
Leger~ |
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Everyone gather around. It's time for Show not Tell.
I received an email from stephenm suggesting this topic and I thought it was a wonderful idea. Since I needed some help in this area too, it made researching the subject all the more interesting.
"Don't tell us that the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream."-Samuel Clemens
When writing a story, it's important not to Tell your readers what is going on, but to Show them.
Tell:
"It was foggy."
~~~
Show:
"The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.
~ excerpt from "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot
Yes, yes, I know its poetry. But I think it helps demonstrate the point. The Tell and the Show are both communicating the same information, but the Show conveys it in a manner that creates an image without actually stating the fact that it was foggy. Show your readers what is happening; show them your character's body language that demonstrates their mood. Evoke sentiment in your reader; involve them in reading your story. Making your story interactive with your reader will make it less passive. Use concrete details, especially sensory details to show your story. I'm not implying you should cover your story with the "purple prosies". But do give your reader an image, a feeling, in detail without stating the complete obvious. Assume your reader is intelligent and imaginative.
"One way to see if you're not being honest with your character's emotions is to look for excess emotional qualifiers. They're often an indication that you're "telling" the reader how to feel at this point, rather than letting readers develop their own feelings through the characters' actions and responses. When you see an emotional qualifier -- fearless, angry, tender, overjoyed, anguished, devastated, etc. -- ask yourself if it would be better to replace that qualifier with the series of small action-reaction events (eg, physical motions) that create the context for that emotion." ~Tara K. Harper
Great advice.  Write down what you see in your minds-eye, but write it in a manner that demonstrates what is happening. Another suggestion was to go back to some of your favorite novels. It's not necessary to read the story again or copy it, but look for sensory/concrete details that demonstrate. Review how your favorite authors show their story.
"Detail makes the difference between boring and terrific writing. It’s the difference between a pencil sketch and a lush oil painting. As a writer, words are your paint. Use all the colors." ~Rhys Alexander
Now I think I'll tuck this paint box under my arm and head out to start some editing. See you next month!
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Here are some items I've enjoyed reading.
Please visit and leave the author a comment!
Excerpt: It was with some trepidation and a very real sense of sadness that I went to see the White Rabbit. As a child I had spent time with him almost daily. It had been a while, though, since my last visit.
I was not looking forward to this one.
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#1012512 by Not Available. |
Excerpt: Spiders, I can’t stand spiders; but there he was, suspended in the fallen debris of the storm, blocking my only path to the house. He was easily larger then my hand, and sat in the center of its web like some silent guardian of the dilapidated mansion.
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#1066383 by Not Available. |
Excerpt: It shouldn’t have happened the way it did; I knew that much. She was a child with a disability—and she was mine now, really. I took her with me to the supermarket that day. If only she had spoken one word to me, it wouldn’t have happened.
Excerpt: We were in elementary school, and you were the clown. With the cute smile and the dark hair - and those freckles! Funny - a comedian! I fell in love with you the first time you made me laugh.
Excerpt: It stuck there like taffy to a Popsicle stick, firm in its position and stubborn as always. I found its presence incredibly annoying. I despised its tacky demeanor and abhorred the way it commanded attention with burning urgency. Most of all, I hated the way it appeared only during important affairs, like meetings with the big boss.
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#1063620 by Not Available. |
Excerpt: Everyone jumps as the silence is broken with a loud clang. What is suppose to be a quiet descent into an eternal resting place, is angrily interrupted by the coffin being dropped and stopped too abruptly.
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#1068795 by Not Available. |
Excerpt: Her breath caught in her throat, she could barely speak. “Mama,” she strangled out in a sort of gasp, “I did it. I got in!” They squealed and jumped together, clenching hands and bouncing so that the skirts of their dresses danced in their own unison. |
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This month's question: What is your edit method on "tells" in your stories?
Last month's question: How do you keep your story plot moving?
Suggestions from:
Thomas  submits: How do I keep the plot going? I try to surprise people, do something the reader wasn't expecting. If things start to drag, open up your journal and write a one or two sentence summary of where your characters are. Then, make a list of logical ways the story can continue. Finally, choose something not on the list. 
Great method! 
April Sunday says: Love: "Trim the fat!" Gd advice. For ideas? Setting, on line, regional worthy. Well, research the place, ya know?
Research helps.
victoria Andre'a writes: WOW! This was a great newsletter! I have a tendency to be verbose and use extra words like as, had, that and which. It was eye opening to read the different sentences and then watch the transformation without the extra words.
~~Wildest Mind~~ responds: Thanks for the tips, right now I'm going to go into one of my short stories and try to "trim the fat." I know when I get into my characters background I tend to tell a little to much.
Many of us do.
Brians Next Novel Almost Done! replies: This NL was a great way of looking at the condition our stories are in...are they lazing about, becoming bigger and more bloated by the page, or is it turning into something healthy with some real muscle behind it?
As for keeping the plot moving, I like to let the characters tell me what they want to tell me, when they want to tell me. How much they want to tell me at a given moment is one thing, but no one says I have to reveal all of it to the reader at once--I can simply store some of these nuggets away for later use if I wish to build tension or intrigue. I like taking what the characters and situations give me and turning it into something that has flesh, bone, fat, sinews--all of that good stuff!
Great insight! Brian is promoting his book: "The Last Page (1)" [13+] Do take a look.
Kudos from:
Puditat writes: Leger, what a brilliantly witty and entertaining newsletter - and helpful to boot!
Great job.
Iva Lilly Durham  sends: This is an excellent newsletter with lots of tips, ideas and links, very helpful to me. I like to write but lack all the formal education I need .. thus far. Good job!
billwilcox submits: Leger, Some very helpful tips about the middle of the story. You have a point, we often focus all of our energies on the beginning and end of a story, forgetting the middle part altogether  .
ncblondie says: Legerdemain, Great newsletter! I have a tendency to get off to a great start and know where I want the story to go, but get lost in the middle. Thanks for the tips on keeping the pulse.
Tigger thinks of Prancer replies: This was a great article. Short and to the point!
schipperke sends: Leger, this newsletter really hit home. Or should I say it was like a punch to the middle and knocked the air out of me!
Excellent newsletter and made me giggle at 6 AM. Not easy to do!
Thank you to everyone who sends in a comment to the newsletter. I love feedback!
Ref:
http://www.writedesignonline.com/assignments/shownottell.html
http://www.writerswrite.com/journal/jun98/keegan9.htm
http://teenwriting.about.com/cs/writingfiction/a/ShowNotTell_2.htm
http://www.uoflife.com/wc/creative/showtell.htm
http://www.uoflife.com/wc/creative/dialogue.htm
http://tarakharper.com/k_show.htm
http://jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/creative/showing.htm |
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Short Stories: March 01, 2006 Issue [#891]
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