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This week: Another Year Wiser? Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Another birthday and some philosophical thoughts. |
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Hello folks! Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter. Today, if this Newsletter arrives on the day scheduled, is my birthday. Over the years I have had many moments of thoughts, well let's just say I have obsessed over an approaching birthday and wondered how much glory should be showered upon the day of my birth. As the years flew by, I realized that not only does anyone give a patoot about the fact that I am aging – neither do I. In fact, I prefer to not think about how quickly the sands flow through the hourglass each year that passes by.
Why is that, by the way? I'd love to hear your opinion on why time speeds up once you go beyond the age of fifty. The over fifty group has less attention paid to them by advertisers. They are all consumed with younger consumers between the ages of 19 to 40. From 40 and 50, there is the black hole, a space rip, a worm if you will that seems to fill those years without anyone noticing – especially the person living within those five years. Those are the forgotten years. They neither command the attention of the youthful consumers' attentions, nor do they fit into the AARP excess junk mail group, yet.Although AARP does start to bug a forty-niner as the big 5-0h starts approaching. Television programming also appeals to the younger crowd simply because they need advertisers and advertisers need to have the young folks buy their products and become faithful product identification lifers.
Once you turn fifty, your choice of advertisers trying to get your attention are products having to do with indigestion, incontinence, final expense insurance and inability to get up ... after falling. ( I bet you thought I meant that other inability. Get your minds outta the gutter.) Today, as I celebrate another year of life, I am almost thankful to be one of the lost and forgotten adults in the advertising markets. Now, if only I can set my smartphone to stop calls from companies trying to reduce or forgive my student loans, of which I do not have. My smartphone should know by now that I am in the protected class of over fifty, out of school and out of their market area, and reply with a prerecorded message that the phone they have reached is no longer available for what they are selling. I am thus, a marketable fossil to be ignored as our prime time TV shows and advertisers have already realized.
Sweet Parting Thoughts:
Ash Wednesday should never fall on Valentine's Day. A gift of candy and you are doomed if you vowed to give up candy for Lent. I guess there is a special dispensation granted by the pope excluding those wives and girlfriends stuck in this dilemma. Just picture them crying over those heart-shaped boxes. Not a pretty sight, is it? I tried to imagine a woman, one who loves chocolate, and yeah, I hear you saying, “What woman doesn't like chocolate?” I am not a big fan of chocolates. If I do indulge in chocolate, it's the very dark, 95-99% almost devoid of sugar. But I am a strange witch at that. However, there was a Valentine's Day party at our community clubhouse, last Wednesday. All that live music, dancing and yes, candy, candy, everywhere. I suppose one could be inclined to conveniently forget it was the first day of Lent, starting after midnight struck, following Fat Tuesday. (Mardis Gras) But come on, all those news reports about the big event going on the night before in New Orleans didn't send out a little reminder? Not to mention the standing in line or driving through,a church parking lot, (yes it does exist,) to get Ash Wednesday ashes placed on your forehead. It's the official mark that Lent has begun. Okay, I'm not going to bust your chops about it. I truly believe if Valentine's Day falls on the first day of Lent, you do not have to treat it as the first day of giving up something. You could always sacrifice your candy on the other end of Lent … Easter Sunday? Oh, no! Think of all those poor chocolate bunnies left homeless on the shelves. Face it, there is no graceful way out of this if you do participate in a candy-free Lent. Yes, I realize there are many more things that could be given up for Lent other than candy. But, think of the children. Candy has always been something kids gave up for Lent because it was a real sacrifice for them. (Although I think adults thought that up to have a forty day break from cavities and dentist trips.) Imagine all you mothers holding those Valentine's Day heart boxes filled with chocolates in front of the children and saying, "Sorry kids, it's Lent and you can't have any." Now doesn't that make you feel a little guilty? 
 Last Minute Birthday Update:
Yesterday, a day before my birthday, I received a gorgeous box of dark-chocolate covered strawberries. The card said "Happy Birthday!" Well, after digging -in to a big juicy strawberry, I realized I didn't know who to thank.  Now here's the tricky situation, since WebLock said it wasn't from him, I had to go through a process of elimination of family members who could have done it. It is awkward in a way, asking people if they sent a gift to you on your birthday. It sounds like if they didn't send the gift, they may feel embarrassed and would now feel obliged to send one. Which I wouldn't want to happen, because we are at that point in life where we relatives just send cards without gifts. If they started to send gifts again, then I would have to do it for their birthdays and so on. Thus, my first plan of attack was to eliminate my kids. No, not in that way. Sheesh, you guys sure make it tough for this ol' gal to get her story out. Anyway, none of my kids sent them, and that made sense because they know my birthday is on the 21st. I will get my usual, yet always appreciated Amazon Gift Card.  But they made the comment, "Must be a secret admirer!"
I had a creepy feeling when I heard those words. Then I took another strawberry to calm my nerves. I've heard about those secret admirers. I've seen psychological thrillers involving secret admirers, and have read books about how they can turn out to be psychotic serial killers who stalk their prey and then KER-PLUNK! You're a goner! 
After getting the response from my kids, I started on my older brother. I figured, he's older, and probably more forgetful than me, and would be the logical choice to ask next.
Yes, folks, mystery solved. My sister-in-law thought it would be a special treat since I had done a couple things for them recently. She asked my brother to order it online, and he forgot to sign the card. I was just thankful that I didn't have to keep checking off a list of possibilities to find the gifter. I also kind of wanted to keep that secret admirer thing in my mind a little longer. No, not the psycho-killer part of it!  Okay, I'm done here. May you all enjoy my birthday. No, I'm not sharing the strawberries. 
It's a sweet wrap for my birthday edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time -- laugh hard, laugh often!
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A couple comments from my last Newsletter, "Comedy Newsletter (January 24, 2018)"
Quick-Quill 
I think the funniest pieces are about real life. Last season on Britain's Got Talent was Daliso Chapunda (not spelled right I'm sure) His lines were, "I'm from MIL-AW-WE You know the place Angelina Joli adopted her kids from? I miss my sister." He went on to say "I'm glad to live in this time, 200 years ago this would have been an auction." He came in 3rd place. Watch his youTube.
 
Monty 
That pen of yours never runs out of ink does it: I believe that was an interrogative sentence ?? I love reading your News Letters.
Thank you for your feedback, folks!
See you next month!
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Comedy: February 21, 2018 Issue [#8767]
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