  Comedy
This week: I’ll Be Home for Christmas Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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I have no words to fully describe my feelings, at least that I could publish in the newsletter. Thus, I'll try to make this as quick and as painless as possible -- for me.  |
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Hello folks! Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
I know you all have been awaiting news about Ruby’s rehabilitation and road to recovery. However, at the writing of this newsletter, that road has not been paved emerald, and I just may need those ruby slippers to return home.
In fact, I hinted to my mechanic that I may fly home and come back for Ruby later in the summer. However, after doing some quick calculations -- well actually slow and methodical calculations, because everyone knows, WebWitch doesn’t do math. But that aside, I thought, well, if it’s only a couple more weeks, I really shouldn’t spend the money on travel, so I waited, before calling him the following week.
“Hello, Bill, I’m just doing my weekly call about the progress of Ruby.  ”
“Oh, she’s coming along great, WW. How was your flight back North?”
“I didn’t go North. I canceled my appointments and figured I’d stay here until Ruby was ready to go.”
“Ohhhhhh, I thought you were gone. You know, I worked on a couple other cars, not realizing you were still waiting for Ruby.”
WW: 
Bill: “Ughhh, well, you’ll be happy to know that the undercarriage parts I bought did turn out to be the right ratio number, even though the replacements came from a car a year younger than Ruby. Also, when I get done, your four-wheel-drive will be working, again. I’m just waiting on a few more parts, which should be in very soon --ehemmm, I mean not very soon because the Fourth of July holiday is coming up, but not too long after that.  ”
“Oh, goody, my four wheel drive will work. Thanks, I’m so thrilled ...   ”
And evidently Ruby got the equivalent of a butt lift, with those younger parts.
“No worries dear, I’ll get her back to you very soon. And Ruby will be all better.”
I hung up the phone, and this tune started playing in my head.
“I'll be home for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree ...”
Thank you Bing Crosby for giving me a face to put to those lyrics. Because if I think of my mechanic’s face, I may want to take up playing darts ... with a machete!
You know something folks? It’s been two months and still waiting. I’m starting to think my Ruby is having an affair with my mechanic, because she doesn’t seem to want to come home to Mama.
Sometimes ... Love stinks! 
See you next month. Well actually, I have been drafted back into "Game of Thrones" so you probably will see a lot of me around these parts, next month. Hopefully, I’ll be back at the Northern Command Center when that happens. But I won’t count on it!
Until next time--Laugh hard, laugh often!
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An intentionally bad poem. Wrote this in 5 minutes. You won't believe it took me that long
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Azrael Tseng
Do you think this is funny enough for the Comedy newsletter? "Invalid Item"
Yup! 
Jeannie's Jingle Bells☃️  
I love these Ruby stories, Webbie, and was sad to hear she was going to be crushed. Thank goodness you decided against that!
A brand new rebuilt Ruby, hooray, can't wait until the next Newsletter!
 I can't either, because Ruby is not home, yet! Thanks for the feedback, Jeannie!
papadoc1
I must say, I remember that dream! You were awake one moment, asleep the night...and before anyone could say, "Oh! Calcutta!", you bolted upright in bed, slipped into jammies and slippers, ran out the front door and found Ruby.............gone.......(Insert violin solo for effect)
I had to comfort you with a snifter of brandy, to hear your story and know full well that we absolutely NEED to get your daughter back, even though she is - in your words - completely naked and in the hands of several expert men who know exactly what she needs.....(did that come out right? Anyone?!????)
Yeah well.
All in all, we should get her back in about roughly 12 months.
If the trade winds blow properly....
Until then.....
 Okay, PapaDoc, what kind of dream were you just having?!!! I think I like your "lusty" version of the story more than mine. I can't wait to see what you'll add to the next one! 
♥Ho Ho HOOves♥ 
Safe travels to you when you do get up and running with Ruby, (((WW)))!! In order to spare my own old timer (Seymour) we are renting a car for our journeys from now on. My brother says with our Triple AAA Membership, it is cheaper to go for the gusto with a new car to drive and it is a burglar deterrent (supposedly) to have cars in the driveway (unless, of course they are burglars who want a 13 year old car) Seymour (who is an experienced 13 now) will guard the cow cave whilst we roam. Keeping all good thoughts for Ruby's renovative repairs, her version of our hip replacements!  
Thank you, Hooves!!! Yes, she is getting the equivalent of our hip replacements, plus a butt lift. I need to pore through my AAA news and advertisements to see if I could benefit by renting a car and making Ruby jealous, so she gets well fast and back home to me.
Thank you for your feedback folks. We editors really appreciate it!
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Comedy: July 12, 2017 Issue [#8380]
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