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This week: Delicious Descriptions Edited by: Sara♥Jean  
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Delicious Descriptions
Have you ever grown tired of a book because it has far too much description? I actually read a book recently called a "coming of age" book where there was so much description that I felt like I could turn four or five pages, and I wouldn't have missed a single thing. I finished the book out of obligation, but I didn't enjoy it. It's a series, and I won't be reading the next book. Which is a shame, because it had serious potential. But, I just couldn't do it. So, it does beg the question:
How much is too much?
I suppose the true answer to this question would depend completely upon opinion.
Descriptions can be incredibly beautiful, but they can also be over-the-top. Language used, length - many things can make a reader want to set a book or story aside, and never pick it up again. There can be too little, or too much, and getting it "just right" can take a bit of extra time.
Too Much
One way you can make something too descriptive is simply to make it too long. If you spend three pages describing a character's hair, that's probably a clear indication that you are using a bit too much description.
Taking a passage from one of my own unfinished books, I will show you what I think would be too much description. (Nope, you can't see the original until the end!)
She let out her breath slowly once hearing the pair of footsteps retreat, heated wind coursing past her full, round, red lips and creating a light mist in the chilled night air - the mist lingering for a few seconds, nearly forming into shapes right in front of her eyes, before dissipating into the air like the lifting of a dense fog. Her back elongated before pressing against the cold stone of the tall and roughly hewn wall, she found herself inching toward the edge of the alley so she might peek around the corner and watch the backs of the retreating men. She whipped back around to press against the wall, her smallish, button nose wrinkling into a displeased expression as her luscious blue orbs skimmed the darkness of the alley surrounding her. To the left was the sound of a rat digging about in the discarded garbage of the gutters, and to the right were simply the sounds of more echoing footsteps. The dark wall she centered her eyes on resembled crinkled, discarded, and dirty clothing having been tossed out into the street after a brawl fight, stains coating the majority of its surface like the dingy spots of a homeless dog. Golden tresses fall mussed about her shoulders, their usually immaculate curls brushing against each small portion of her skin with gentle caresses, the color nearly matching the golden and tanned hue of her melanin. After waiting to be sure she heard no more sound, she poked her head back around the corner, tendrils falling slowly over her shoulder before waving gently in the passing breeze. Seeing no one, she pressed on, darting expertly in and out of shadows, her curvaceous body easily weaving from shadow to shadow with the greatest of ease.
While this might be great for a short story, and might even catch the attention of some people, I'll be honest - a scene like this is one thing, but an entire BOOK written like this would be incredibly tedious. It is taking several sentences before anything happens at all. And I say this, knowing full well that I am the one who wrote it! That was an excellent exercise to put that much description into what was originally a short paragraph, but I don't think I'd want to write an entire book that way - much less read it. Continue to write an entire book like this, and you'll be describing things over and over and over.
(Did it make you giggle or roll your eyes? It made me giggle - but then, it's mine.)
Too Little
Saying that there can be too much, leads one to know that there can also be too little. When it comes to clothing, leaving a little to the imagination is a good thing. When it comes to writing, you don't want to leave it ALL to the imagination. The imagination needs a little nudge, just to be sure the reader sees the same world that the writer does. Here is the same passage as above, but now with far too little information:
She exhaled, peeking around the corner. She whipped back around, then waited, then looked again. Seeing no one, she pressed on, moving through the shadows.
It tells one almost nothing. In fact, I get this odd sense of her whipping her head out, then back, then out again - as if she's playing some twisted game of Hokey Pokey. (You know, put your head in, put your head out, put your head in and you shake it all ab... ok. I'll stop.)
Just Right
Alright, alright - here's the original paragraph:
She let out her breath slowly once hearing the pair of footsteps retreat, inching toward the edge of the alley before peeking around the corner and watching the backs of the retreating men. She whipped back around to press against the wall, her nose wrinkling into a displeased expression. After waiting to be sure she heard no more sound, she poked her head back around the corner. Seeing no one, she pressed on, darting expertly in and out of shadows.
Yes, the woman is described elsewhere in the book, so you get to know what she looks like.  This is a scene where she's nearly first introduced, and is running for her life - or, at least, she thinks she is. It gives MUCH less information than the over-description, but then, that information is given elsewhere. I will admit that putting myself through this little exercise of attempting to over-describe my own previous writing gave me some ideas of further descriptions that might be good to put in there, but it also showed me what I absolutely would not want!
Finding a happy medium is key. Now, I'll be honest. There's no way to please everyone. Some people will always want less, and some will always want more. But find a happy medium for yourself. Develop your sense of style and individuality with what you have to say. |
As you read these newbies, consider: too much, too little, or just enough? Then, leave them a review to let them know, and offer some suggestions if need be. Reviews are great for those brand new to the site!
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From my last newsletter, "Noticing Newbies Newsletter (January 25, 2017)"
catlover33 said, "I'd say I'm in the middle of the spectrum (a little bit of both), though I lean toward keeping thoughts to myself; I don't often journal but when I do, it's usually stuff I really want to write down but don't want everyone to see/know (For the most part, I don't express all my thoughts because I don't think most people could handle them). But the thoughts (emotions are usually toned down to be more bearable) I do let people see are generally expressed (through metaphors, similes, and extremely subtle allusions...such as nicknames of real people that only those being referenced would likely notice) in my writing--instead of a blog. And then anything I don't express in journaling or writing tends to be locked away in my mind, for myself alone to ever know."
I keep my thoughts to myself a lot, but not because I don't think people can't handle them. I just have become more of a... quiet person, I suppose. I think the world is full of us!
bermanrl1 said, "There is a unique actual pleasure writing about other people's comments or posts. The most blatant enjoyment comes from not being concerned about plot. We write thoughts about the thoughts of others. I agree I disagree, I use your wonderful ideas as springboards into an entirely different sphere. So thanks to the bloggers, the journal scribblers, the parents of unique fairies and goblins, for all their unique jottings. It is all, in the end, writing and that is wonderful."
I agree, the fact that people are writing is absolutely amazing!
blimprider said, "Good day, SJ. Just dropping a line to thank you for highlighting my blog in your last newsletter. I haven't quite been here for a month, but the day this newsletter dropped, my blog's views doubled! Lest anyone think these newsletters aren't influential, let me assure you, they are, especially for the newbie seeking an audience.
Thanks again! Hope things are great with you. Read well, and write better!
 Jack Tyler "
Glad I could help!
hbk16 said, "The ideal for a writer, is to find a wide space which motivates her/him, to express and release in a full freedom all what inspire him/her.
Such space is necessary for promoting writing and letting it, as an art, evolve suitably.
You have chosen a crucial debate which needs our interest."
Ah, but the true debate is what good does it to find that motivation if there is no one who replies or reads it? Most bloggers want readers, that is truly the idea. |
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Noticing Newbies: February 22, 2017 Issue [#8147]
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