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Printed from https://writing.com/main/newsletters/action/archives/id/7694-Pacing-a-Suspenseful-Scene.html
Mystery: June 15, 2016 Issue [#7694]

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Mystery


 This week: Pacing a Suspenseful Scene
  Edited by: Marci Missing Everyone Author IconMail Icon
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Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

Hello!
I'm Marci and I'm your guest editor this week. Many of you might know me for my poetry writing, but did you also know I write romantic suspense/thriller novels? I am currently working with Love Inspired to sell my first Christian romantic suspense, and I'm here to share an important element that I have recently learned about in suspenseful writing!

I often will write a scene from three different points of view to find out which has the most tension and which way I'm able to conceal the information I'm trying to conceal. And that is, at the end of the day, what writing suspense is all about. - Dan Brown

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. - Oscar Wilde




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Letter from the editor

Pacing a suspenseful scene

How can sentence structure and word choice affect the outcome of a scene? It’s in the mechanics of how we think. Someone recently told me in a review that I used too many sentence fragments in my writing. But my mentor, who is a best-selling author in the Christian market, told me that in suspense and thriller writing, sentence fragments are our friends. So I’m here to show you how to create that suspenseful scene by breaking the grammar rules we all grew up learning.

In order to understand what I am talking about, you need to compare a scene written in two different ways. One will seem to drag on slowly, while the other will hopefully intensify the panic and suspense.

Laurel ran across the paved parking lot. She looked behind because she thought she heard footsteps. Darkness loomed no matter which way she turned. How had the power gone out in a parking garage? Surely there was a generator someplace. If she could just make it to the stairs, Laurel would head up the two flights of steps until she reached the level with her car. Without power, there was no elevator, but the distance didn’t bother her. It was the darkness and the sound of someone following her that left her breathless this night. She felt for her phone in her purse. If she could get her phone, she would have a flashlight. Why had she bought such a large purse? The footsteps were closer. Aha! She found her phone, turned on the flashlight app, and searched around her, but she saw no one. Now she could see the stairwell, and had just reached for the handle when…


The only thing that left you the least bit suspenseful there was the last line. Why? I put in too much information. Right now, you don’t care why the generator doesn’t work or why she bought such a big purse. What you want to know is if someone is following her and does she get away. So you probably will skim all the extraneous information. And you could also care less whether I write in perfect grammatical sentences either. So, let’s look at a better way to write this scene.

“Laurel ran across the parking garage, and then… darkness.
No power? What should she do? Her car was two levels up.
Were those footsteps? She tried to look around, but darkness consumed.
Closer they came. In a frenzy, she searched for her phone.
“Come on, come on… Found it!”
Laurel turned on the flashlight app and whirled it around.
She saw no one. Only… she still heard them. Heard them breathing.
The stairwell was only about 15 yards away. Again she ran. This time at break-neck speed.
The footsteps came faster. She felt the breath on her skin.
Footsteps.
Heavy breathing.
Faster.
She dove for the door handle. And as she reached to pull it open…”


See how the use of shorter sentences, shorter words, and shorter thoughts all make the pacing of the scene seem faster. There are probably a similar number of words in each paragraph, but one just feels more intense. Of course, this is a scene that I wrote just for this newsletter, so I haven’t poured over it to make it the perfect scene. But you get the gist. When you want to slow a scene down, you, of course, do the opposite. It would read more like my first paragraph example.

I hope this will help you create scenes with greater suspense and intensity in your own writing.

PS... If you want to know what happens whens she goes to open the door, catch me this time next month as I'll be here again!


Editor's Picks

This poem is an excellent example of creating suspense! *Thumbsup*
 
Image Protector
STATIC
Paranioa Open in new Window. (E)
They're out to get you!
#2086483 by Poolé Author IconMail Icon


I like that this is told from two Points of View
 Mexican Standoff Open in new Window. (ASR)
Newbies Academy Challenge; 500 words from the POV of two characters/Twisted Tales Contest
#2085076 by Santa Author IconMail Icon


Great story! I think you'll enjoy.
 Mexican Standoff Open in new Window. (ASR)
Newbies Academy Challenge; 500 words from the POV of two characters/Twisted Tales Contest
#2085076 by Santa Author IconMail Icon


Flash Fiction from a newbie. Why not stop by with a review?
 Awakening is my Escape Open in new Window. (13+)
A 100-word flash fiction.
#2084245 by youraspiringwriter Author IconMail Icon


For those who would like something a little longer to read...
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#2083362 by Not Available.


And a few more for you to check out
 Spam Scam Open in new Window. (E)
Poem for Short Shots Contest
#2082876 by copywriter Author IconMail Icon

 Steppe Carefully (Flash Fiction entry) Open in new Window. (E)
Will Gannon's greed be the death of him... or make him a national hero?
#2083079 by Ice Newton Author IconMail Icon

 
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STATIC
The God Fix  Open in new Window. (18+)
A man emerges from the darkness and the rain, claiming to be the saviour.
#2082921 by Ceadda Alexander Author IconMail Icon

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#2081889 by Not Available.


 
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Ask & Answer

Since this is my first Mystery Newsletter, I don't have any feedback. So, my question for next time... Do you have any tips or tricks to add to the suspense of a scene? Or can you finish the scene from above?

Thanks for reading!!!

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