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This week: Gratitude and Entitlement Edited by: Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline  
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Do you expect gratitude from those you help? Do you feel entitled to it? Are there limits to what one can expect?
This week's Spiritual Newsletter is all about gratitude and entitlement.
Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline |
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When you give someone something – a present, help, support, care – do you expect gratitude? It is nice, if someone is grateful for what you have given them, or for what you have done for them. Even a simple “thank you” can trigger pleasant feelings. What if a thank you is not forthcoming, though? Does it make you feel disappointed? If thanks were given, did you expect more? How long should gratitude last for?
The reason why I thought of this issue is because of reading the news, and reading comments on news stories, as well as comments on message boards. A hot topic, right now, in the United Kingdom at least, is Social Security. Several cuts have been made to this budget, leading to a lot of suffering. There are those, however, who feel that the cuts haven't gone far enough. Who feel that those who are unemployed should be offered the most basic existence possible. This sentiment is reserved even for people who are unemployed because of disability, or physical and/or mental health problems. “After all,” the commenters say, “they're living off our taxes. They should be grateful for the support we give them.”
Imagine being ill, or living with a disability that prevents you from work. You have a home that has been adapted for your needs. Support is withdrawn. You get moved to somewhere unsuitable. You end up relying on a food bank, but the food bank only offers support a couple of times a year, and then only provides you with some basic supplies to cover three days. Something to be grateful for, certainly, but what do you do after those three days? And how do you survive in an unsuitable environment?
Or imagine having a disability. Because of the support you received, you were able to have a reasonable quality of life. You were able to rent a house or apartment. You were able to attend college, go to Church, be a part of your community. That support gets withdrawn. You are offered a room in a care home, in a different part of the country, away from your family, your community, your friends, and your Church. You can no longer attend college classes. Yes, you are looked after. Which is something to be grateful for. But you'd also be entitled to feel unhappy, because the quality of your life has been significantly diminished.
Another hot topic is the refugee crisis. People escaping terrible situations. Many end up in camps and centres that are not very pleasant at all. They are safer, but still suffering. “If they don't like it, they can go back to where they came from,” some say. “If I were escaping real horrors, I would be grateful for anything.” I would be grateful for help, too. Of course I would. If I were still in an unpleasant situation, however, I would no doubt be hoping for something better – a life that felt normal, and peaceful, where I could try move on from the horrors of the past.
What it seems like, to me, is that there is a sense of entitlement, and it isn't necessarily on the end of the receiver of help and support. It is more evident on the side of some who give, and especially so if the gift is bestowed begrudgingly, or possibly against their will.
I am not completely unsympathetic there. Some of the money I pay in taxes might well end up being spent on projects I disagree with. Of course, I don't know if it does – after all, my money and that of those who disagree with helping people in desperate situations all goes into the same pot. That means that I can simply imagine that my money goes towards helping those in need, and the other people can imagine that their money goes to whatever they like.
Some of the people I described proclaim to be people of faith. That's where things get tricky for me. Should people of faith not want to help and support others in need? Anyone can end up ill. Anyone can end up living with a disability. Anyone can find themselves in a bad situation. Should we not want to ensure that people are able to live as comfortable and dignified a life as possible?
Have we forgotten the value of life, and are we instead focusing on the value of money? I understand that there is no magic money tree. Still, should looking after people not be a top priority? Or have we become so desensitized to suffering, that we expect eternal gratitude from people whilst all the while taking from them what little joy and quality of life they had?
Food for thought, at least for me...
Kitti the Red-Nosed Feline
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The Spiritual Newsletter Team welcomes any and all questions, suggestions, thoughts and feedback, so please don't hesitate to write in! 
Quick-Quill  - Each new year is an opportunity to make a change. We all need to re evaluate our goals and our influences. Make them count toward helping others to be their best. On WDC keep your reviews positive encouraging and edit worthy.
That is good advice. It is always good to help and encourage others.
~~~
aliraza005 - Well, thinking optimistically about future is good but the mistakes or blunders that we have done is the past is very important as we have and we should learn from the mistakes that we have done in the past so that same mistakes won't repeat in the future. So, our past is the best source of learning.
Moreover, we at times make too many plans for the future which are mostly not achievable but what i think a person can achieve anything if he/ she will make true efforts with full commitment to achieve that goal or target.
Wise words. Indeed, we should learn from our mistakes, otherwise we may well be doomed to repeat them. And true, we should also be wise in choosing what we want to achieve.
~~~
Due to circumstances, I was unable to include some comments in previous newsletters. So here they are!
~~~
Just an Ordinary Boo!  - I like your take on confidence. I am confident and content most of the time, although I do have stage-fright and hate big social occasions.
I was fortunate enough to have parents who broke boundaries and allowed me to challenge set-in-stone expectations that abounded in society. I carried that forward with my own kids and also taught them to respect people whatever their ability, education, job or class. They were urged to do their best, and to have as much fun doing it as possible. Expectations and numbers were never the game.
I'm lucky, it worked for them. But, it's a fine line to walk, between conformity and rebellion, it's a slippery slide either way and the ends are not quite golden although the mean may be!
It sounds like you have great parents, and that you are an excellent parent yourself. That is something to be proud of.
~~~
Joto-Kai  - I have a unique talent for maths - nobody can get the same answers I do, sometimes not even me.
Confidence is a complex thing. It has many components, some of which I could likely teach you in an afternoon. Self talk - including body language - is extremely helpful. One key to unlock confidence is to recognize when failure is a desirable result. With no large downside, failure provides a great deal of learning, and a chance to take sensible risks. Take those risks, and congratulate yourself when you fail - soon you will be confident.
I recognise those kind of maths skills. 
Thank you for the advice. I never thought of that. Sounds a bit scary - I do cringe when I fail - but it is worth a shot!
~~~
Lazy Writer est 4/24/2008 - Hi Kittiara,
I have always had an issue with self confidence so I do understand how you feel. I do work on it and sometimes have to force myself to do certain things.
One thing I have found helpful is a verse from the Bible - "I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me." That one verse has helped thru some very hard times.
Good Luck to you and Merry Christmas.
Lazy Writer
That is a wonderful verse. I can see why it has helped you, and I thank you for sharing it.
~~~
Whata SpoonStealer  - Just a quick comment that I enjoyed the newsletter. Erm, maybe not so quick after all WINKY WINK.
I think you're right-on about receiving confidence at an early age, though I'd add for your consideration that discipline is often the missing ingredient to a well-balanced, confident adult. If you're always told how great you are, and your transgressions are never in check, well... chaos can ensue. Self-esteem suffers because there is no real testing of your limits, no real victory over obstacles: there's just a very low bar set where any accomplishment is cause for triumph. Permissiveness can be a real confidence killer.
Okay that sounds maudlin eh, no matter-- you made me think. Thanks! ~Whata
Thank you for your kind words, Whata! And you're right. It's about striking a sensible balance. That will prepare a person for adulthood, in which you cannot always win everything, which would lead to crushing disappointment.
~~~
Elfycia Lee ☮  - Yeah. I agree. Being confident is tough. Takes a lot of effort and years or centuries of... self-talk... Reminds me to My Little Pony Fluttershy
Aw, My Little Pony! That brings back memories. I hope that we will both find that elusive healthy confidence.
~~~
Wishing you a week filled with inspiration,
The Spiritual Newsletter Team
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Spiritual: January 27, 2016 Issue [#7447]
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