  Short Stories
This week: Edited by: Mavis Moog  
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This Newsletter is about imagery in short stories. The results of | |  | Invalid Item
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Imagery
Imagery is vivid language used to convey a scene, atmosphere, event or character. Techniques include, metaphor and simile, onomatopoeia and alliteration. Some of these techniques are used more commonly in poetry, but good prose makes use of them too.
The difference between metaphor and simile are slight. Simile compares by using the words, "like" or "as." Many similes are cliché, so be careful to use fresh ideas. As cold as ice, is a hackneyed simile whereas, as freezing as a fish factory is at least alliterative.
Onomatopoeia, as most of you are aware, is language that sound like its meaning. The doom-laden mood made the room brood like a tomb, is a heavily onomatopoeic sentence. The repetition of the "oo" sound is also an example of assonance - but let's not get too technical here.
Metaphor has subdivisions, such as personification and anthropomorphism. Personification animates the inanimate and anthropomorphism gives human characteristics to animals. It is important to use metaphor because while a reader may not have experienced the scene you describe, they may have experienced the metaphor. Here is an example of rich imagery.
He was so big and trumpeting and red-hairy and used to fill every inch of the hot little house like an old buffalo squeezed into an airing cupboard, ... she was so small and silk and quick and made no noise at all as she whisked about on padded paws, dusting the china dogs and feeding the buffalo, setting the mouse-traps that never caught her, and once she sneaked out of the room, to squeak in an oak or nibble in the hay-loft, you forgot she'd ever been there. From A Story by Dylan Thomas.
Thomas is one of my favourite writers. His ingenious use of imagery makes his writing gleam with cinematic clarity. My use of the word cinematic is ironic really, because Thomas wrote for voices more often than anything else. His famous play, Under Milk Wood is a symphony of rich characterisation written to be performed on the radio. In it he describes an elderly couple in bed as two old kippers in a box, and when Gossamer Benyon stands naked on Llareggub Hill, Thomas has her standing there, like a peeled onion.
He knew how to paint a picture with words - and much more. His prose gives us colour, texture, scent, sounds and feelings. I have a tape of the Richard Burton recording of Under Milk Wood which I have often played to my students.
I sometimes teach children who have been excluded from the state school system because they exhibit extreme behaviour. These young people, who are often violent and deeply disturbed, come to my home, and with the constant protection of a body guard, I try to re-establish an interest in education. One young woman, who at fifteen could not read or write and had been put in care for her own safety - because her mother was a heroin addict - sat in my living room and listened to Under Milk Wood in silence. A small smile stretched to a broad grin of delight as she let the language flow over her. It was a break-through moment. From that experience, she became fired with enthusiasm for words and I began to teach her to read.
Strong imagery can be achieved with vivid description but the best way to make a breath-taking word-sketch is to use metaphor. Often the more bizarre the metaphor the more profound the affect on the reader. I once looked at a flock of newly-shorn sheep. I knew that they reminded me of something but it was a while before I could decide what it was. They look just like badly peeled oranges, I realised. The ridges of wool, left by the clippers, looked like the ribs of pith which remain on an orange which has been peeled with a knife. My metaphor, without the explanation, did not work for everyone, but it delighted me.
So much can be achieved with imagery. It can work as short-hand. Consider this passage - it describes a continuing journey along a tropical river:
"Each morning we set sail soon after dawn, casting off from an overnight mooring beside the bank. Within a few hundred yards the drumming of the engine and the unchanging green walls would erase any sense of the real passage of time, of minutes, hours or days. Noon would whistle to me from her perch in the prow of the Salammbo, and point to the vertical sunlight that filled the centre channel. Only then would I realize that it was time to boil a pan of rice and resume the hopeless task of trapping a shrike or plover. Hours had slipped by in seconds, falling like dust through the open grilles of my mind." From The Day of Creation by J. G. Ballard.
The jungle becomes oppressive "green walls." Personification transforms noon into a nonchalant woman. Time is dust, like the sands in an hour-glass (but not as clichéd), and his mind is seen as a grating, unable to hold on to reality. Even the name of the boat is a powerful literary reference to an adventure novel by Gustav Flaubert. This may have been chosen to draw an ironic comparison. The reader gains so much more than a scene here. Ballard uses metaphor to imbed a whole range of ideas.
I was once criticised for describing a closed door as insolent. I have not yet understood why some readers disapprove of personification. To me it is a form of metaphor that is as valid as any other.
Here are some more excellent examples of metaphor for your inspiration:
"Donne, who's muse on dromedary trots..." from a hilariously spiteful poem by Samuel Coleridge, entitled, On Donne's Poetry .
"Tigers not daughters..." from King Lear by W. Shakespeare.
"Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird." sums up the sanctity of innocence for us, from To Kill a Mocking-Bird by Harper Lee.
"The old coloured houses of irregular size along the narrow quays of the Liffey seem to lean outward as if to study themselves in the water..." from The Dalkey Archive by Flann O'Brien.
The stories I have selected for this week's Editor's Picks are ones that I think have plenty of strong imagery.
Stop Press
I am delighted to say that I will be a new Comedy Newsletter Editor. This is in addition to this Short Stories Newsletter. My first Comedy edition will be 23rd November. Please send submissions and comments for inclusion. Head anything meant for me with my name (Mavis). Don't forget to subscribe to the Comedy Newsletter if you don't already. You don't want to miss anything, do you?
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You may have noticed that I have been running a contest, to find the best short stories for my Editor's Picks. I have now a rich stock of excellent stories:
The winners of the contest were,
FIRST:
- for humour, linguistic style and clever plot.
SECOND:
- for original format and excellent imagery.
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THIRD:
- for unusual subject matter and a quirky ending.
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The first five of the Honourable Mentions, in no particular order are:
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This story is not from the contest, but deserves your attention for its striking honesty and close observation:
Don't worry if your story is not mentioned here, I will be listing 5 each month until all the good stories from the contest have been featured. |
Have an opinion on what you've read here today? Then send the Editor feedback! Find an item that you think would be perfect for showcasing here? Submit it for consideration in the newsletter!
https://www.Writing.Com/go/nl_form
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Thank you for all the supportive and interesting comments. Keep them coming.
scarlett_o_h "Excellent Newsletter again Mavis. I'm a bit behind as usual! You covered some valid points and gave good examples. I've been told all the same things in my class, though not quite so eloquently may I add. I'm sure your tips will be very useful to story writers." - Thanks Scarlett- MM
Deelyte- Chillin' "Thanks for the mention. I appreciate it. I always glean so much information from your Newsletters. I always find another rule I have been breaking. You are a fount of knowledge! Good job"
scribbler "wow, now I actually have a word for my biggest writing fault. I shall never utter the P-word again! I was just accused o doing that recently in an older story of mine. I was trying to find my own style but ended up with a whole lot of P."
PlannerDan "Thoroughly enjoyed your newsletter, Mavis. It amazes me how known, published authors can revert to wordy passages filled with comma splices and flaws. And just because they are famous it appears we are to accept their ramblings. I loved your examples. You proved your point.
And, thank you for featuring my piece. It was lonely and your attention definitely perked up its day."
billwilcox "So that's what pleonasm means...lol. Great newsletter *tunes his word processor to edit out any pleonasms*  ."
schipperke "This 'aspiring hopeful' is learning alot from your newsletters. Maybe you can teach this old dog a new trick. "
shadowdawn "Another great newsletter! I love NLs that deal specifically with writing style and mechanics. I know most of the rules but - I admit - I do forget them sometimes. These NLs help remind me and polish my writing. Thanks!"
Stiggles  "Thanks for such a great newsletter! I see pleonasms and tautologies all the time and they've become a pet peeve of mine over the years(even though I'm guilty of it too), but I never knew there were names for these blunders. Thanks for teaching me something new."
rose_shadow "Another excellently written newsletter. I am the queen of long sentences. It's left over from my recent college days as an English major when I had to make the paper exactly 8 pages so a little embellishing here and there got me into a bad habit with my fiction writing  . I've noticed it recently when I tried to write a 'drabble' of 500 words or less. I stopped at about twice that, realizing with dismay that my skills at writing short fiction seemed to have vanished. It's definitely something I'll have to work on and with the help of the Short Stories Newsletter, perhaps it won't be so hard  ."
will "Have you ever considered that the Fitzgerald and Flaubert examples were actually intentional? I'm sure pleonasm could be used as a writing technique in the same way fragmented sentences and run-on sentences are used as writing techniques." I've considered it - then dismissed it. There is a difference between repetition for a purpose and pleonasm. Many writers build a refrain or motif into their writing, this is intentional and is not pleonasm. I love Fitzgerald and Flaubert, but I was making the point that even these masters have been known to err. - MM
Bruce "A good newsletter. It takes on a subject many of us struggle with. Thanks
Thanks also for your pick of my story, "Will I Finally Find Some Peace." It is appreciated."
megsie2584 "Good job, Mavie. I enjoyed this issue." That's Mavis, Megsie, thank you.  - MM
Next month's subject will be "voice." Short stories can gain a great deal from appropriate use of voice. I'm not talking about dialogue, rather the character of the narration. Please send me your thoughts and questions, headed, "Mavis."
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Short Stories: November 09, 2005 Issue [#697]
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