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This week: Remember When Writing about Abuse Edited by: Vivian  
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Many stories, poetry, and novels involve the results of abuse. However, one thing many of us don't realize or use as a motive or effect in our writing concerns the observer of abuse.
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The Effect on Children of One Parent Abusing the Other
An example of abuse affecting someone other than the abused person, let's look at what happens to children when one parent abuses another. The example below does not include physical abuse, but emotional and mental abuse, one of the most insidious way to destroy another person. This type of abuse works well in writing, giving motive and causes of behavior.
Abuse comes in many forms which effects not only the abused but others who witness the abuse. The abuse does not have to be physical. In fact, verbal, emotional, and mental mistreatment can influence children and grandchildren as much if not more than their witnessing physical violence.
A woman, exhausted and ill, says, “I don’t feel well. I need to rest.”
The man snaps, “Don’t carry on. You need to push yourself for a change.” The children hear.
The woman struggles up and down the rough hill to turn on the water to the hose feeding water to the hog pens. Her arthritis causing her to scream silently with every move. Finally, she states, “I need to rest. I’m hurting really bad.”
The man yells, “If you didn’t pamper yourself so much, you wouldn’t hurt so much.” The children hear.
The man says, “If people didn’t take advantage of me, I could be someone.”
The woman asks, “What people? When?”
The man glares at her. “You don’t need to have a fit.” The children see and hear.
The children become adults and have families. Grandchildren visit.
The woman asks the man, “Could you help with dinner, please? I’m really tired. Today at work was rather hard, so any problems.”
The man replies, “You always have some excuse to not do something. You make so much out of nothing” The grandchildren hear. The process continues.
The woman, now elderly and in poor health due to several chronic diseases, asks her family for help, but no one complies. After all, didn’t they learn as children that she exaggerates for attention? Didn’t their dad/grandfather subconsciously teach them she didn’t hurt, wasn’t ill? Therefore, they don’t check on her, don’t call, leave her alone. They became callus, not only to their mother/grandmother, but also to others who voice discomfort of any kind.
Yes, abuse doesn’t only effect the abused, but also those who observe. Can't you "see" one of these observers as a character in a story? |
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Words from Our Readers
Thank you for all the comments left after my last newsletter. Even if I don't leave a reply after each one, I still read and appreciate the time taken to leave the comment.
The first comment concerns my newsletter about not using excerpts from stories or books to promote the writing:
Hatfield of AotC 
On avoiding excerpts; the late (GREAT!) Dr. Isaac Asimov was editor on a collection of fantasy fiction entitled "Visions of Fantasy: Tales from the Masters"
Among the authors, Ann McCaffrey presented a short story about a little boy named Kevan, who though he was small for his age wanted more than anything to be a dragon rider! It was THIS story that turned me onto the Dragon Riders of Pern. K'van does appear in one of the novels of the series, for maybe half a page.
The next comments concern my newsletter about what Writing.Com means to me, since last month of the anniversary of the website's creation:
StephBee 
Vivian, thanks so much for sharing your stories. I can honestly say that I've enjoyed being here. I've seen my writing improve and I've made some friends I wouldn't have had before. SM & StoryMistress have a great job creativing such an interactive site. I'm glad to be a part of it. *smile*
G. B. Williams 
Vivian, this was a very moving and energizing story. I am not sure what illness you contracted that caused you to leave teaching, but it reminded me of the saying that when one door closes, God open another one. If there is no door, then He opens a window. In your case He did both. WDC means a lot to me as well, but it does not have the same vibrancy that it has for you. I love your passion, and WDC being the place that you let that passion flow. GOD bless you always.
ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy
Thank you for your testimony. I found writing.com at age 69 during retirement; since that day, I've not been alone; have friends here to visit with each day. Ann
billwilcox
Aww Viv, we are ever so old *Rolleyes*
Dobie Mom
I LOOOOVE WRITING.COM - you have no idea how GREAT this website is and what it means to me. Please forgive my incorrect grammar. It's just that when I was searching within myself at a time when I was feeling lost and empty, and looking for myself, I found you. Smile Maybe you'll want to play some cornball music for the background. Smile I had written back in high school and a few friends told me that they thought I was talented and I never thought much about it. Off and on since the late 80's, I had dabbled, and put it aside, thought, always keeping with me and idea book for "later", when I'd have time, or the confidence maybe.
Then, in 2005, I was searching for something, and I came across your website. I immediately joined, but was still super shy, and super private about my writing. I feared putting anything on here, that somehow, no matter the privacy settings (which - thank you for by the way)that it would somehow be read and I would be ridiculed and laughed at and people would tell me I had no business here, or picking up a pen and putting anything but a shopping list to paper. I still feel that way, but a while later (years), I got the nerve up to try one of your contests, and reading the positive feedback was like a high I had never felt. I wasn't laughed at, and I was given some positive, helpful suggestions! I felt so good! I've been hooked ever since!!!
So, if you ever have a day where you may (I hope not) think to yourself why you are ever bothering with this website, or if you matter - PLEASE DON'T. Because of you, I have been writing!!! I have been coming out of my shell and feeling more confident, and I ACTUALLY PUT THINGS ONLINE - TO SHARE WITH PEOPLE!!! Something I NEVER thought I'd do...EVER!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!! ...and God Bless you!!!
Andy (Dobie Mom)
Quick-Quill 
I thoroughly enjoyed your NL. I began the same journey and while I don't have your background, I'm so pleased to find others like yourself to guide me along my journey as an author. Thank you for helping to grow this community!
monty31802
A great tribute to WdC Viv.
Joto-Kai 
Awesome, Viv! I must say that I've gained quite a bit myself. The connection to people alone- forget the reason I came here. It's been a lifeline, that's for sure. So I'm sure we're not alone in that!
Shukare
Writing.com is a unique experience for forgotten writers. Thanks.
May October bring cool temperatures and fall fun.
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For Authors: October 15, 2014 Issue [#6596]
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