  Romance/Love
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Opposites Attract - Or Do They?
The Secrets of being Perfectly Mis-matched. |
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If she's quiet, he's gregarious. If he's a walker, she's a jogger. If she likes action movies, he's a fan of comedy. And they live happily ever after.
But just how far should the 'oppositeness' go? After all, the couple has to pull together through life. Major decisions - career, children, where and how to live - have to be taken together, as harmoniously as possible. Like the five fingers on a hand, there have to be differences, but the hand cannot grasp anything unless all five fingers have the same goal.
For the writer, creator of characters and couples, this underlines the importance of creating and bringing to life whole, multi-layered personalities. While surface 'oppositeness' creates ripples, making for interesting plot-lines, deeper differences would give rise to undercurrents and, possibly, a destructive tsunami. Thus, on the surface, differences are essential, deeper down, they destroy.
So -- do you create those layers? That's what the back-story is all about. Strong back-stories make for well rounded characters, a persona with many layers. A childhood experience, a previous relationship (or lack thereof), something happening to a close friend or family member and affecting perception ... there are so many possibilities for a strong back-story.
Ripples v/s. Undercurrents
How deep is the issue? Is the depth of differences and similarities making the relationship stronger, or destroying it?
Some random examples.
A friend phoned recently. He and I are part of the same theatre group, and, over the last four years, he has become almost part of the family. He's the one who helped out when my computer crashed, or when we were getting the house painted, or -- well, he helped out in a hundred big and little ways. There was nothing 'romantic' between us, we were perfectly happy as friends. He called suddenly last week, out of the blue, breaking off the friendship. He sounded upset. Dad and I were wondering why, then we heard from another mutual friend that this chap now has a jealous girlfriend who has made him break relations with nearly everyone with whom he had been in contact before he met her. He isn't even much in touch with the 'gang' from his college days, people whom he has been close to for fifteen years. Obviously, he believes in platonic friendships, she doesn't. Oppositeness which creates destructive undercurrents. What a beginning to a relationship!
Those who watch The Amazing Race on TV will have seen how it tests a relationship. Basically, it is a reality show in which teams of two people race around the world, solving clues and performing tasks that highlight local culture along the way. One team usually gets eliminated each time, and the team to reach the final finish line first wins a million dollars.
Well, I was struck by two very different relationships in this current season of The Amazing Race.
(Thanks Davy Kraken  and "The Amazing Race Club" for the links!)
Mika Combs (22); Canaan Smith (26)
According to http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race/bio/mika_and_canaan_15/bio.php?season=... - (quote) "They have only been dating for a few months, but admit to spending every waking hour together since they fell in love." (unquote)
Well, the task was that both members of the team had to plunge down a deep water-slide. Mika was frightened and wouldn't, and Canaan didn't help matters by yelling at her about losing the race and the million dollars because of her fears. He tried to get her to go down that slide several times, she didn't, the team that was behind them caught up and overtook them, and Mika and Canaan were eliminated. Canaan later said that he understood her fears, and that it wouldn't affect the relationship. I wonder what it would have been like if both had been more in tune with each other to begin with --- he in tune with her fears, and she in tune with his need to win. Obviously, this wasn't just surface oppositeness, or they would've found a way round it. I hope their relationship is strengthened by finding and dealing with this undercurrent, or they're off to a rocky start!
Brian Kleinschmidt (27); Ericka Dunlap (27)
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/amazing_race/bio/brian_and_ericka_15/bio.php?season...
One member of the team had to climb a big tower and count some bells. For some reason, Ericka kept mixing up the number of bells, and got the count wrong several times. Everyone else had finished the task and left, and she was getting discouraged, though she wanted to go on. Brian understood what she was going through, encouraged her to rest and then continue, they completed the task at long last. During the next task, they made some errors and earned a thirty minute time penalty. It was a nail-biter, but they didn't get eliminated because another team couldn't complete that round. As I write this, Brian and Ericka are still racing, going strong.
There was something deeply empathetic about the way they went about it, something that showed how much they are in touch with each other's thoughts, feelings and abilities. It was lovely to watch.
What it comes down to, then, is layers. And, as you peel off layer after layer, what gains in importance and what loses. Finally, is the relationship at the core, or something else? If it is the relationship for both, fine. If it isn't, are the two cores in harmony anyway?
So you have to decide whether your romance story has a 'happily ever after' end, or any other. Depending on that, create the layers, with harmony or disharmony closer to the core. Then, work your story to peel the layers and reveal the core -- unearthing as much back-story as needed in the process.
Happy Writing!
Sonali
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Thanks to those who responded to "Romance/Love Newsletter (August 26, 2009)" !
StephBee  You did a great job talking about the different type of endings. For me, the happily ever after ending embodies the romance genre. Thanks for referencing my NL on endings. Two thumbs up!
tangerinedream: I enjoyed this newsletter very much. It's not apparent in my portfolio on here but I've been working on a romantic suspense novel for a while. I like that you gave examples of different endings. Thanks for sharing.
francie: Hi Sonali,
Sweet newsletter and very clever. You took what may have been a dull topic and presto-changed it into a readable and likable, not to mention memorable and usable, "how-to-guide" for romantic endings.
- Sonali |
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Romance/Love: November 18, 2009 Issue [#3390]
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