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Printed from https://writing.com/main/newsletters/action/archives/id/2622-.html
Short Stories: September 24, 2008 Issue [#2622]

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Short Stories


 This week:
  Edited by: Vivian Author IconMail Icon
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Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

         What causes you to read a story or a book? If the beginning is boring, do you wade through until you find something good to read?

         Your answer is probably "no" because few people continue reading if the first of a story or book isn't interesting -- unless forced to read for a class.


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Letter from the editor

Come, Entertain Me


         I've picked up something to read and laid it down in seconds. Why? Because the first paragraph nearly put me to sleep.

         We need to catch a reader's attention immediately with strong action verbs and, well, some kind of action, whether physical or intellectual. That first paragraph (and all the following ones, for that matter) should not be a dump for detail and description.

         A manuscript submitted to a publisher started with the following paragraph:

The town was dull and drab. The trees were colorless. The people matched everything else. They were walking with their eyes on the ground, and they were shuffling their feet as they walked. They were silent when they happened to met on the street.

         That publisher didn't accept that piece, but how could it have come alive, become interesting? Let's see what we can do.

The dullness of the town spread to the trees around it. The drab forest of brown, withered branches matched the people who shuffled along the dirty streets, with no one raising his or her eyes. One stooped old man stumbled into a post.Without raising his eyes from where they watched his feet, the man mumbled, "Sorry," before he scooted away.

         Which version would you prefer? Which paragraph grabbed your attention enough that you might continue reading?

         One big difference between the two paragraphs -- the first example is filled with state-of-being verbs (was, were). Yes, at times a being verb must be used, but if a bit of rewriting will delete a state-of-being verb and use action verb, then a writer needs to tighten and strengthen the word by doing so.

         Another problem with the top example -- detail and description fills it, no action, no interest-creating material.

         The "improved" paragraph still isn't exactly interesting. It needs a plot push, something to move the plot forward or introduce it; or it needs something to help develop a character of characters.

The gaunt man stood atop a hill gazing at the town below him. "Strange," he muttered to himself, "I've never seen such a drab place in my life."
         His eyes searched for any sign of life, real life. Trees stood bent and twisted, nothing but brown leaves in late spring. "The place looks dingy, almost like a film covers it." He shook his head. "The people don't even look alive." He watched one old man shuffle down the street, never lifting his eyes from staring at the ground.


         Now, what has happened? We get the feeling that something is really wrong by "seeing" the town through the eyes of a character in the story. Does that give more impact? I think so.

         I write many short stories, some which grew up to be novels, but some which still remain stories, such as "The Day of Two SunsOpen in new Window..

         Next month, I'm going to discuss point of view. I've heard and read much about what point of view is, the aspects, etc. I feel that some misconceptions are making the rounds, and I hope I can explain what I've learned about the subject.


Editor's Picks

Works from W.Com


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Ask & Answer


Words from Our Readers



NickiD89 Author IconMail Icon
         Hi Vivian! Great newsletter! I was wondering about publishing snags one could run into by posting original stories on a blog. I noticed several (magazine) publishers specify they will not consider paying for "previously published/copyrighted" work which has appeared on a website (like WDC) or a blog. Do receiving valuable feedback and building a fan base offset the risk of having a great story turned down by publishers? What are your thoughts or advice on this issue?

Thanks so much!
NickiD89

          If you want to post something on W.Com for feedback but want to submit for publishing later, then you need to restrict access to that item. On a blog, you want to post only a portion of something, enough to tease readers a bit, but not enough that a publisher would consider it "published." I post only things I either don't want to submit to be published or which has already been published.


Jezel Author IconMail Icon
         This was a nice issue about blogging. Thanks for the information on something that's so popular :).

          You're welcome. I've been blogging so much lately I feel as if I'm turning into a blog.

AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Thank you so much for featuring one of my stories.
I was without a laptop for a long time. It is wonderful to know that even when I was unable to be here, something I wrote was found worth of a read!

         I'm glad we were able to bring some brightness to you.

Thank you for joining me this week, and please come back.

Viv

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