This week: On 'As'. Edited by: Kit  
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'As' is a handy, versatile little word. It's all too easy to overuse it.
What word or words keep on sneaking into your work, despite your best efforts?
This week's Action/Adventure Newsletter is all about checking for repetition, and rephrasing where possible.
Kit |
'Pug danced along the edge of the rocks, his feet finding scant purchase as he made his way among the tide pools. His dark eyes darted about as he peered into each pool under the cliff face, seeking the spiny creatures driven into the shallows by the recently passed storm. His boyish muscles bunched under his light shirt as he shifted the sack of sandcrawlers, rockclaws and crabs plucked from his water garden.' - Magician, by Raymond E. Feist (my emphasis on the word 'as'.)
Magician is an excellent novel. I highly recommend it. I have used it here to highlight how even bestselling authors can slip into the trap of 'as', and words like it.
‘As’ is one of those handy, versatile little words that can make sentences flow smoothly, and help guide the reader from one visual to another, and one action to another. I have noticed, though, over the years that it can be used a little too often and once you spot that you cannot not notice it. Overusing any word can make writing feel repetitive, even to the point of distraction – as is the case with as.
1. Overuse in Similes and Comparisons
Often, 'as' is used to set up comparisons (‘as bright as the sun’) or to draw similes. While this is fine in moderation, using it excessively can make the writing sound formulaic.
For example:
"The trees swayed as gracefully as dancers in the wind, as the birds flew by as quick as arrows."
Here, the word 'as' is used multiple times in quick succession, which makes the writing feel a little bit cluttered.
2. Repetitive Sentence Structures
Sometimes, 'as' can be overused in sentence constructions, especially when writers repeatedly rely on it to convey actions or descriptions in a similar way.
For example:
"He looked as though he were about to collapse, as though the weight of the world had fallen on his shoulders, as if every step he took was an effort."
In this case, the structure is repetitive, and it detracts from the impact of the sentence.
3. Overuse in Action Descriptions
In fiction, actions are often described using 'as' to show how things are done. If this is overdone, it can make the actions feel less vivid or dynamic.
For example:
"She walked as if she were floating, as though her feet barely touched the ground - she moved as if time itself had slowed down."
This repetitive use of 'as' takes away from the flow and rhythm of the writing, and it also weakens the clarity of the description.
One type of action in which 'as' is commonly overused is in scenes of an adult nature. Newletters fall under the 13+ rating, so I will not write an example here, but if you ever read such scenes, keep your eye out for that little word. Or not. It can indeed be rather distracting!
4. Overuse in Dialogue Tags
While dialogue tags like 'he said' or 'she replied' are essential, some writers use 'as' excessively in dialogue or action tags, making the writing less effective.
For example:
He asked, as his hand reached for the door.
She replied, as she nervously played with her bracelet.
5. Overuse in Explanations
Sometimes, 'as' is used in long-winded explanations or justifications, which can slow down the action and become repetitive.
For example:
"She finally understood as she stared at the letter, as the words sank into her mind, as realisation hit her like a wave crashing against the shore."
Here, 'as' is used several times in a row to show the progression of thoughts, which could be condensed or rewritten more dynamically.
___
How can you fix the overuse of 'as'?
If you spot yourself overusing it, try mixing up the sentence structure to create variety. For example, instead of writing 'as if', you could just describe the action directly, or use more varied descriptions.
You can use stronger verbs, instead of relying on 'as' to create comparisons.
You can be more specific about what's happening. This will often allow you to avoid relying on 'as'.
It does have its place, though. As said, it's a handy word. Like many aspects of writing, it's all about finding that balance. Not too much, not too little - just right.
Now I'll go and tell myself that same thing about my overuse of 'all', and 'just' and 'so'...
Good luck!
Kit
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Wishing you a week filled with inspiration,
The Action/Adventure Newsletter Team
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Action/Adventure: April 23, 2025 Issue [#13092]
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