This week: What is Family? Edited by: Kit  
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Who is your favourite fictional family? What do you like about them?
Who do you consider to be part of your family? Family isn’t as straightforward as you may think...
This week's Spiritual Newsletter is all about what makes someone family.
Kit |
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Who do you consider to be part of your family? You may feel that this is a silly question, but family isn’t as straightforward as you may think.
There are your blood relatives, of course. Everyone has a biological mother and a biological father, grandparents, great-grandparents, and so on. There may be aunts and uncles, nephews and nieces, brothers and sisters and, eventually, children. Technically speaking they’re all family… but it doesn’t quite work like that, or not always.
I’ve never known my biological father, nor any of my relatives on that side. I’ve been told that I have a half-sister out there somewhere, but I don’t even know her name. We are related, then, but we have never created that familial bond. The same goes for my aunt and her children. We discovered we were related some years ago, but whilst she established a bond with my mom – her sister – she and I somehow never clicked. It doesn’t help that we live in different countries. We may be family, but we don’t feel like family. We exchange Christmas cards and that’s it.
Some people, sadly, grow up in abusive households. If/when they escape they often have to go no-contact with their relatives for their own mental and physical well-being. It is a tragic situation that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, as it adds a sense of loss on top of the pain already suffered. Do people who abuse their relatives have the right to still be considered family? They remain related, of course, but I feel that they have lost all rights to the bonds and the social benefits that are commonly associated with family.
On the other, happier side of the coin are adoptions. The bonds between stepparents and their adoptive children can grow to be very strong – strong enough to be considered a family. I love my stepdad very much. He and my mom got together when I was a teenager, and he has earned his place in my life and my heart by being a genuinely good man. To me, he’s my dad, and he calls me his daughter. It doesn’t matter that we aren’t related by blood – he’s family.
Friends, too, can become family. I know a group of people who, for one reason or another, have a troubled relationship with their birth families, but now they have each other. The bonds they’ve formed began as friendship, but it’s more than that now. They’re each other’s chosen people, and they help and support one another in every aspect of their lives. Together they’ve built businesses, they’re getting each other on the housing ladder, and they’re as close as any family that I have ever met. Closer than many, as a matter of fact. There is value to the family we choose.
And it isn’t so different to the family we choose to build with a partner. It’s a similar leap of faith. I have chosen my husband, and he has chosen me, and together we have chosen to build a life according to our morals and standards, hopes and dreams. We do not have children, but our cats are family too, in a way. We don’t see ourselves as their parents, nor anthropomorphise too much, but humans do form bonds with their animal companions and they add to our day-to-day lives in a multitude of ways. We love them and we wouldn’t want to be without them.
A community can feel like if not an immediate, certainly a secondary family. The community at a place of worship, for example, often helps and supports the other. The shared beliefs, shared goals and shared activities help people to connect, and over time bonds are created – in some cases these can last a lifetime. My gran’s church community was wonderful and even when she could no longer attend due to ill health they remained her second family – I admired their genuine care and dedication. It is that sense of community, that sense of family that can help people through their darkest hours. It makes me wish sometimes that I could find a church I’d fit in with. Thankfully, I have met some amazing people here on Writing.Com who through their kindness and good examples have helped to strengthen my faith.
Writing.Com can be like a second family, too. It is not uncommon for members to see it as their online home, and for the community to make a positive difference in each other’s lives. This community has been here for me through my highs and lows and you know more about me than some of my relatives.
What is family? It can be the people we’re related to. The people we live with. The people we decide are our people. No matter the definition, it’s not always straightforward, because life isn’t straightforward. What is clear is that family does matter, because the connections we make and the bonds that we form make a huge difference in how we experience our time on this planet.
Whoever you consider to be part of your family, I hope that you have many wonderful moments together.
My best wishes to you and yours,
Kit
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The Spiritual Newsletter Team
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Spiritual: September 25, 2024 Issue [#12758]
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