This week: How to tell when it's love: a question. Edited by: Dawn Embers  
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Romance/Love Newsletter by Dawn
Sometimes the romance seems obvious but for others, it can be hard to tell when it's love. This can be a form of conflict in characters but it also causes some questions for the writers. Some feel they need experience to write something so then becomes the question as to how we know it's love. Let's look at the topics or you can at least see some of it from my viewpoint in this newsletter. |
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"I know it when I see it."
Or in the case of romance, it may be more of an "I know it when I feel it" type of situation. A common possible phrase, the particular quote comes in relation to a romance topic as it came down in an opinion written about adult content. This can be connected to the topic of erotica or adult romance writing but from the Supreme Court justice, it was first in relation to how one defines obscenity. Not from the notorious RBG, this particular infamous comment came from Justice Scalia. And let's face it, when it comes to obscenity, while it makes sense we might know it from sight, it's not the most practical for making judgement calls. But it's still something that gets used at time and that's not limited to making verdicts on content level.
The phrase can also come into question when we consider romance. We can have similar questions when considering the relationships in our stories and what we experience in our own lives. How do the characters know it's love? Do they even know? How does the reader know? Goodness, we can even go as far as asking how do we know when it's love?
I have a suspicion that the answer for some is going to be similar to the starting quote. You know it when you see(feel) it.
However, considering the questions also brings about another topic that I want to touch base for a short section of this newsletter and that is experience. To know something, it helps to have some experience. And there is that overused phrase, "write what you know" to also consider. So, do you need to experience romance to write it?
I don't think one needs to have experience to write something. Then again, I write a lot of fantasy that include things we can't experience and my adult romance involves main characters and romance from the other gender, so I won't be experiencing the same things my characters do. And to get even more personal (because a lot of these newsletters that I write are based on my own thoughts and experience) I also happen to be asexual, though not aromantic and have very limited experience. I'm still not sure on what love feels like. Doesn't stop me from writing romance.
Now back to the main topic at hand, how does the character or writer know when it's love or romance... I don't have any particular answer. This newsletter isn't about solving a problem or giving answers. Instead, it's about bringing up the question to give you something to think about as a writer. What are your thoughts? Is part of the conflict in the story based around the characters struggle in seeing when they are in love? It's an option for creating struggle and it's something we might consider. Does the character ever know and if they do, how do they know it?
My guess is they know it when they see it/feel it. Or in the case of the reader, well they will have to know it when they read it.
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How does your character know it's love? Do we need experience to write a story?
A few weeks ago, I edited a romance newsletter and discussed the topic of goodbyes. While not the happy ending that some expect with romance, there is a chance that a story may end with a goodbye. There are also other points in the story when the situation can arise. Here are the comments sent in after that newsletter:
Comment by Quick-Quill 
I agree that goodbye can be an end. I tried to write a story. And my ending was the couple hit together after the miss understanding was solved. But the man was a Pinkerton man and she’d been asked to come write for a NY paper. They agreed to let in touch. Not the happy ever after but the characters had goals that needed to be followed.
- It is a good option for a story. While some readers want only that happy ever after, there are also plenty of readers looking for romance in a tale with different results.
Comment by Monty 
You have pretty much covered all the angles. A fine N/L
- Thank you.
Comment by princess 
We do not know when the lord will be ready for us to come to him in heaven. So should live each day to the fullest as if it were are last day on earth.
- That is true. We don't know what time we have and shouldn't push off living for a particular day or time to happen since we aren't guaranteed anything.
Comment by Bikerider 
Saying goodbye at the end of a romance story carries more impact for me that the typical boy meets girl--boy loses girl--boy finds girl again. That template, in my opinion, has been greatly overused. The romance stories I've read that ends with unrequited love carries more sadness, and maybe because of that they story stays with me longer.
- It can become overdone, the typical story line. We have to find some ways to branch out at times or make things a little different. We want to evoke many emotions from our readers and sadness is one that can come from a romantic story as well as the happier expectations.
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Romance/Love: September 23, 2020 Issue [#10378]
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