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 Review #4813298 |
Polka Dots and Sunshine Teardrops  [13+] a child with a disability, a mouse in polka dots, and the kindness of strangers  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: You didn’t say if this was a true story, but especially the details at the beginning, roller coasters of life, job search, budget issues etc., read like you wrote it from personal experience. The story aimed for an emotional "small miracle" moment, and overall, it delivers that, especially near the end. The scene with the little boy and the way strangers came together has a warm authenticity to it, and the narrator’s character (stoic, self-aware, a bit self-deprecating) was clear and likable - in fact, I identified a lot with him and chuckled (perhaps inappropriately) at lines like “Bet they can’t keep smiling all day.”  Suggestions: I have to admit that I found the beginning a little slow. I once read the advice to ‘start a story as close to the end as possible’ (Kurt Vonnegut) and here, that would mean starting not with the background information but with the actual trip to Disneyland, sprinkling in the details as needed and letting the readers catch up as they go. Having said that, I loved the opening paragraph, especially the last line, and I would absolutely start the story with that, but then skip to Disneyland from there. That way, you have hooked the readers who want to know about the mouse in polka dots, but you’re not going to lose them with details that aren’t immediately relevant. Like with the beginning, I thought the ending would probably work better if you tightened it a little. The story kept going after the emotional peak - instead of ending after the moment with Minnie and the crowd, the narrative explained its message, which weakened the impact. A sharper ending would have preserved the strength of the climax.  Final Thoughts: This story had a lovely, earnest heart and captured a kind of magic that feels genuine, not forced. It was about finding unexpected joy, which, considering the personality of the narrator, was very important to him. Overall, I thought this was an excellent tale which built to a genuinely touching moment, and with a bit of work, this story would really pack a punch.   A Review from: "Invalid Item" This review is affiliated with The B.E.A.R. Fund , a community project that let's you earn exclusive merit badges just by reviewing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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