Hello Sumojo,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


First Impression:

My daughter is getting married next year, and I recognised a lot of the things that were happening in this story. She is into details as well, and I understood quite a few of the bride’s concerns. It was all very realistic, at least until the tone changed and the story became first mysterious and then downright evil. It was obvious pretty much from the start that something was up and that the maid of honour had something to do with it, but what exactly it was remained a secret until the last paragraph.

You used the prompt very well - the story was all about those details, first the wedding planning, then the hen night, and finally that vital detail that had escaped Tara. While the plot was quite straight forward, you still managed to surprise the readers with the twist at the end, and the way you structured the tale worked well to make sure the readers knew something was going to happen. I hoped that it would be a good surprise; maybe Greg had planned something special and was nervous about it, but unfortunately it wasn’t to be.

While I recognised the bride’s excitement and concerns in the dialogue with her mother and friend, I found the dialogue didn’t flow as naturally as the rest of the narrative. It seemed a little formal at times, but there were some nice descriptions, especially of the wedding venue.


Suggestions:

I noticed a few small errors:

spring is such delightful time
There seemed to be a word missing, “such a delightful time”.

‘Is Greg happy with the what the groomsmen are wearing?’
Omit “the”.

nestled amongs the grapevines
“amongst”

Who care if someone’s Aunty
“cares”

The evening, as far as Tara was concerned was a disaster.
I believe there should be a comma after, “concerned”.

a busyFriday night
You missed the comma between “busy” and “Friday”.


Final Thoughts:

I felt for the bride at the end of the story - after all, it was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. You ended the tale at a good point, right after the ‘friend’ had dropped the bombshell and the groom had made his decision. Overall, I thought this was a good story.