Hello Prier

Here is a review for your "Autumn Leaves" .

Comments and Observations:

Such a well-paced story, and it builds tension slowly with a surprising "hook" at its end.

In the opening, you described the autumn morning beautifully with images vivid and detailed, such as in the kinds of trees.

As to characters, who Susan is--personality-wise--is shown clearly through her thoughts, actions, and interactions. Her character's depth is evident through her preference of the rake over the leaf-blower. Jeffrey 's presence and his somewhat weird behavior offers an unease as possibly an emotional signal for the twist in the story's ending; however, Jeffrey is a side issue. The secondary characters, the neighbor, Susan's father are given as much attention as needed.

The ending came as a surprise to me. I am wondering if the workman at the end could somehow be mentioned or pointed to in some way during the earlier parts of the story; however, I also understand that you were creating the aura for what was to follow, and you wanted the ending to be an issue quite different and shocking.

Overall, I loved your storytelling and the shocking, chilling feeling your story left at its end.

Suggestions on the text as to grammar, usage, and punctuation

Consistency of tense as to the rest of the story:
"Jeffrey is probably harmless, but he's not quite right."
Jeffrey was probably harmless, but something about him felt off.

You might wish to rethink the replacement of the ellipsis, here: ""Oh, what's that ... Looks like a glove."
Maybe this, to sound more natural? "Oh, what's that? Looks like a glove."

Best wishes with your work.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .