Hello, Friendly Neighborhood Derg,

Here is a review for your "Trick or Treat?" .

Comments and Observations:

A dragon? Who knew! This is such a fun piece with a lot of imagination built into it that you've come up with.

To begin with, a lake that changes people into animals is a fun idea. It made me wish there could be such a lake. My question is: Why did Ben, your main character, want to change into an animal and a dragon? You wrote: "He was sick of human life. He wanted a simple life like that of the forest creatures." Why was he sick of human life?

And if Ben had no idea what animal he'd be changed into, why was he changed into a dragon? Maybe something in his psychological make-up? Answers to these questions would enlarge the story, give it more depth, and make it much more believable.

Your transformation scene is very well described, offering quite few visual images. Then, I am glad, at the end, Ben was happy with his new dragon form. To make it even better, you could stretch this scene a bit more by adding a few more details about Ben's thoughts and sensations as the change was happening. This would put more emphasis on this scene and give variety to the pacing.

Then, if I may make a suggestion, after fixing this short piece, why not write several other action-filled stories with Ben as the main dragon character or maybe stories in which Ben as a dragon is involved. This way, you'll get a nice book out of this story.

To wrap it up, I love the idea behind this story.

Suggestions on the text as to grammar, usage, and punctuation

I saw several misspellings that need to be corrected. Yet, more importantly, this story's tense keeps changing from past to present and vice-versa, without any good reason. You may need an edit with these issues.

Best wishes with your work.







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .