Hello {huser: elatedie}

Here is a review for your "Suddenly Summer" , which Read ans Review luckily brought my way .

Comments and Observations:

Nice work! I love your conversational tone and sensory details. I almost felt the heat alongside of you.

"Fish belly limbs," "smurf-tongued youngsters" and "winter white legs glowing below shorts" and a few other brilliant descriptions like those are very effective, and I thought, quite original both with sensory details and as vivid images. It also helps the piece greatly the way you offered contrasts between the winter's cold and the summer heat as if in dry humor. This adds your personality to the piece and makes it even more precious.

In addition, your narrative moves smoothly between past and present with a good flow between the paragraphs. Then, just maybe, to the ending--although it hints at a plan for tomorrow--adding a stronger idea or a more solid plan could result in a more successful closing, but this is up to you.

In any case, I found this to be a gem of a piece with great voice and tone. I also like your way with words and made-up phrases and descriptions.

Suggestions on the text as to grammar, usage, and punctuation

I guess the piece could be tightened of a bit, but then, it might lose its delightful tone and sincerity. You could experiment and see. For example, "Seems like" could be revised to "It seems like" for grammatical correctness.

This is really a very nice piece.

Best wishes with your work.

age:1894700-50%}

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .