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 Review #4802985 |
 |  | Never Too Old for a Good Surprise  [E] A veteran finds out that he can still be surprised  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: A beautifully written story with a lovely happy ending. Henry had been sure that he didn’t like surprises, and at his age, he probably thought that nothing could surprise him anymore. It was his birthday so there would be a party - the fact that everyone shouted “Surprise!” didn’t make it so. But then he actually was surprised, and it was the good kind as well. The careers got a surprise of their own when it turned out that Henry could talk, but that was likely not so welcome because it must have made them wonder why he had never bothered to have a conversation with them. In the last paragraph it became clear why - Henry was just selective with whom he shared his words, and if someone wasn’t worthy of them, he simply didn’t say them. The reflection as he listened to the birds chatter made me chuckle, and it said a lot about his character.  Suggestions: The story was very polished and I don’t have any technical suggestions. One thing I noticed, however, is something that I’ve been told for some of my stories, so I’m going to share it: You started the first paragraph by telling us what ‘he’ was doing, and only revealed his name in the second paragraph. The advice I was given is that it is best to use the name as early as possible in the story. Here, you could simply replace the first word with ‘Henry’. It doesn’t make any difference to the introduction of the character though as the whole of the first paragraph tells the readers exactly who he is. The only other suggestion I have is regarding Steve Dalton, the man with whom Henry served. Henry explained how happy he was when they told me that Dalton was going to be okay. Best damned friend I ever had, your father. A good man, a true friend. According to his son, Dalton had been looking for Henry for years but unfortunately never found him. If he was such a good friend, why did they lose touch in the first place, or why did Henry never make any attempt to find him? My guess is that he probably did but was equally unsuccessful. I think this deserves a sentence or two to explain. As it is, it seems a little odd.  Final Thoughts: The ending was nicely done, with Henry finding the peace he had so sorely missed in the nursing home near the ocean with the waves crashing, bringing back unpleasant memories. It was nice to think that he could live out his remaining time in an environment that was far better suited to his needs, and that he would be surrounded by people who valued him, who didn’t make less sense than a chirping bird and who would do their best to make him feel comfortable. Not that the carers in the home neglected him, but they didn’t understand him like this family did. I got a little choked up as I was reading, and I hope that this story is true for someone out there who needs it to be.    A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" This review is affiliated with The B.E.A.R. Fund (Old Version) , a community project that let's you earn exclusive merit badges just by reviewing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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