%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4802744 |
 | Shoot Right  [E] Bandhu learns to shoot arrows, with a fond memory  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: This tale was not even 300 words long, but you told a far longer story. It’s a tale about a family; a loving grandfather who cared a great deal about his grandchildren and is missed a lot, an older brother who looks after his younger sibling, and the way they are keeping their grandfather’s memory alive. You use one small scene to show all of that - the younger boy learning to shoot an arrow. His older brother is very patient, which was refreshing to see considering that older siblings are often mean to younger ones. It sounds like he explained it before but he doesn’t mind doing it again. The reason for this is that their grandfather was very good at it and often shot fruit from the trees for the boys, and it seems that Hani wants to keep the tradition alive. Bandhu doesn’t seem to grasp the significance or how to perform the task at first, but when he remembers his grandfather, he makes more of an effort and masters the art. I liked the part where they made a joke about their grandfather watching them from heaven. It showed both that they loved him but also how they feel he is still there with them.  Suggestions: There were a number of small grammatical errors:  Watch out for unnecessary spaces before punctuation. At the end of a sentence, when you use a period or a question mark, there should be no space between the last word and the punctuation. You made this mistake a few times. In dialogue, if the sentence continues after the speech, you need a comma before the closing speech marks. If the sentence then continues after the dialogue tag with more speech, you need another comma at the end of the dialogue tag. When a different character acts or speaks, you need to start a new paragraph. The second paragraph starts with Hani acting and speaking, but at the end, Bandhu speaks, which should be in the next paragraph. And just a few typos: hit the target if you font hold the bow That should say “don’t” instead of “font”. how my legs are place “placed”. Yes Bandhu, i remember grandfather That should be a capital “I”.  Final Thoughts: I think you have an interesting and thought-provoking tale here, but the errors let it down a little. Fortunately, they should be easy to fix. I liked how the story had a happy ending with Banhu hitting the target after paying attention to his brother’s tuition, but my favourite part was how they had such fond memories of their grandfather. A nice story!    A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" This review is affiliated with The B.E.A.R. Fund (Old Version) , a community project that let's you earn exclusive merit badges just by reviewing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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