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 Review #4802246 |
 | THE DEVILS MATCH  [E] This is a short story written in poetic form about the Devil come to claim a soul  |
| (4.5)| Thanks for the 2nd review request. Here we are again. I've got to mention once more that I'm not exactly a great judge of poetry, but I will gladly offer you only my honest opinion and what limited technical knowledge I have of poetry composition. I first want to mention that occasionally in my reviews you will see words with a dotted underline like this. This is an area of the writing that I've marked for your attention. There's a comment packed in that can be read by mousing over the said word. I like to start by saying the rhythm you've got going into it paces well with your story. Your first 2 stanzas are nice and ominous. Oddly marked by the tapping of your rhythm. I enjoy gloomy stuff a lot so this is off to a strong start. Your 3rd stanzas changes rhythm in lines 3 and 4 in contrast to stanzas 1 and 2. While it did trip me up a little bit in my own internal method of reading it, I think the tension that it caused actually worked well. You might however need to dig a bit with reference to Dante. I'm an avid reader of classics and epics. The Divine Comedy is a masterpiece, however this could be somewhat abstract to those who have not read it. I will say that Dante's Inferno is somewhat of a trademark so perhaps not, but this is just a caution. I, however, get what you're referring to, don't forget though that he wasn't just in Inferno, he was also in Purgatorio, and Paradiso. Like I said, I get the reference, but to more solidly place the berth of the horses, perhaps consider Satan instead of Dante. This would create some alliteration in your verse that could add another stylistic flair, but even if you don't I think what you have is fine, at least for me. In the 7th stanza there's a minor grammatical flaw: HIS VOICE WAS LOW AND COARSE THE WORDS WERE CURT AND CHARMLESS BUT WHAT DID I EXPECT THIS WAS THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS Up to this point I haven't noticed any eye rhymes in the writing, and though the first word of verse 1 and 4 are an eye rhyme, the Prince of Darkness requires a definite pronoun. In the 9th stanza has an inconsistency with the rhythm and iambic meter. Stressed syllables are bold: "I HOPE YOU'VE SPENT TIME WISELY" HE SAID TO ME NOT CARING "AND ENJOYED YOUR LIFE OF EXCESS" I SHOOK MY HEAD JUST STARING The start of the 3rd verse is anapestic or in terms of stressed syllables is --X. This isn't a huge issue and could just be an artistic flair to the stanza itself, but again the internal rhythm I used was tripped up because of this. However, this is open to interpretation and the way it is formatted is still fine. I'm simply sharing my real-time opinion here. I want to note that you've brought in a new player to the board: Mephistopholes. I'm a slave for demonology and depictions of Hell as well as classic literature like Dorian Gray. This is a really nice reference to all of that. I don't however think that he was ever called "The Prince of Darkness." Small detail so I can let it slide. The devil has many names depending on who you talk to. Beyond those stanzas, nothing stood out in err to what was written. Summary I really didn't find much to fault in its entirety. It's a sound piece of writing, and I assume it's for the Quote contest. If so, I think you have a pretty righteous contender. If I could cast a vote for this writing, I would. It's pretty solid. The pacing of the entire thing is break-neck but it works great. I think something like this ought to have that "hit the ground running," feel to it. I enjoyed the curt jousting in the dialogue, that really added the cherry onto the entire composition for me. Truly this was well done. Thanks for sharing it, it was a joy to read. Again, this probably isn't what you were expecting but as I said, I'm a poor judge of the proper composition of poetry and can only comment on my personal opinion of the piece with a limited understanding of proper mechanics of a poem. Hopefully you still found the review helpful, and I'm honored you asked for a second review from me. Best of luck to you in your writing! I'm looking forward to seeing more of it.
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You last responded to this review 02/25/2025 @ 12:59am EST