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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4802004
Review #4802004
Viewing a review of:
 The Lighthouse Open in new Window. [13+]
The painful journey in overcoming a gambling addiction
by Kayr Sharp Author Icon
Review of The Lighthouse  Open in new Window.
Review by J. M. Kraynak Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, thank you for reaching out with a review request. I noticed you're account is only a couple of days old, so before I get into the review I'd like to offer you my warmest welcome to writing.com. I hope you find this community as helpful as I have over these many years.

I generally take a pretty in-depth approach to the reviewing process, but that is with long narratives, short stories and novels. I enjoy a good poem, especially the romantics such as Keats, Wordsworth, Clare, and Shelley. I'm not exactly a great judge of poetry, but I shall try my best.

I will say that the content of the entire poem speaks volumes. I'm no gambler, but I have one in the family. You've captured what I believe their struggle to be pretty well.

To get more to the technical side of it, which is really not exactly my strong point here;

Your poem's rhythm is pretty consistent, but the meter is kind of all over. In stanza 1 for example you go from a strong Iambic meter to trochaic between line 2 and 3.

With X showing the stress, and —showing the unstressed beat here are examples of this:

Iambic Meter ▼
Trochaic Meter ▼

I personally have no issue with this, but the differences in the syllables for each line trips me up. I'm wanting to read this poem with a rhythm. To me, it's not written like free verse, and it doesn't read like free verse.

Written in a format like this, keeping a consistent beat and line rhythm is important.


A life paused, drained and broken
7 Syllables
Omitted truth, and never spoken
9 Syllables
False, half hearted token
6 Syllables
Echo constant lies
5 Syllables


The verses shine between stanzas 2 and 4. These are really well executed. The rhythm stays constant and the words you use hit home well. There is however, one tree branch in the path:

Lost memories I can never tell


Memories really makes me trip and fall over myself when I'm reading.

I will say, when you go into a stanza format of:
7
7
7
5
Your words flow beautifully. The poem runs along maintaining a lovely beat and striking the right chords with me. I'd consider having a look at those stanzas that are a little inconsistent just for better flow of the rhythm, but otherwise I think what you have here is a very nice piece of poetry. Thanks for sharing it and thank you for the review request.

I apologize if this wasn't what you were expecting. I don't particularly have a format when it comes to poetry and only share my opinion. I can offer a little bit of analysis but again, I'm likely not the best judge of what makes a truly great poem.

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 02/23/2025 @ 10:29am EST
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4802004