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Review #4801842
Viewing a review of:
 Meridith at 33 Years Old Open in new Window. [18+]
Meridith stops a kidnapping.
by Randy Ames Author Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings, and thank you for requesting a review.

I see this is when Meredith was younger than the last episode I reviewed for you. Unfortunately I have to say: ugh. You've left a bad taste in my mouth with this brief adventure. It was depressing, cold and brutal, written with little emotion, no sympathy for the characters, and no dialogue. The ending, which should have been a relief, was grotesque—and the word is "hanged," not "hung."

Since I didn't enjoy it, I'll have a hard time offering any kind of substantial advice. Yes, it is a vignette, without much of a larger context, focusing on one single moment with some explanations tossed in which feel like sidetracks.

Which brings me to a thought about context: either you have it or you don't. This is an action snapshot, and as such there should be as little backstory as possible. Tossing in little fragments of who the villagers are and what they think of Meredith is distracting and pointless. Bring it straight to the action without bothering to explain who anyone is, and we'll figure it out on our own. Better to read between the lines than to slog it down with exposition.

Keep it strictly seen and experienced through Meredith's eyes only. I noticed spots where the POV slipped. I also noticed a couple of grammar errors, such as spliced sentences. A quick run through Grammarly, or an observation of the blue-lining in your word processor, should help you spot these.

You don't have to choose "adult" as a genre; that is usually reserved for topics of a sexual nature. I would recommend "Drama" or "Dark" or "Death."

I would also recommend adding a word count in the subtitle so others know what it is. You can call it a vignette there.

I'm sorry I can't say I liked this. It's fairly well written, but not my type of style at all.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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