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Review #4801177
Viewing a review of:
 Turning 20 Open in new Window. [E]
The fears and thoughts on turning twenty
by legwrites Author Icon
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#4801177
Review of Turning 20  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeffrey Meyer Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Legs,

I was just listening to Jackson Browne's "Running on Empty" this morning, thinking much the same thoughts. But replace 20 with 50.

We're flippant about age, when it suits us, aren't we? "Age is just a number/ what a lie." Man, you hit the nail on the head there. But twenty isn't so bad, you'll see. There's still a lot of time to make mistakes and fix them and still be alright before they're set in stone. "Take me back to 19." I read that and thought wryly, "Are you sure? You'd just have to struggle with turning 20 all over again."

You sound like an old soul, like me. It feels like time's been running out since I learned to read a clock. "It's coming closer...twenty screamed it." Take a breath, my friend, and get your feet set. The passage of time only gets faster from here, but if you're ready for it, it doesn't hurt quite so much. Not quite.

Let me offer a couple of comments on the writing itself, if I may. Really, I have only two observations, either or neither of which may help you articulate your thoughts better.

~ 1) Consider some section breaks, like stanzas; separate out each idea and image for us. Let us breath between each of your statements so we can reflect for a moment and identify.

~ 2) Consider punctuation. It can help with your cadencing. Read this out loud; listen to your pauses, your stops, your emphasis. Punctuation can help you communicate that to us, and allow us to experience the emptions at the same pace you do.


Remember, these are just suggestions, offered respectfully and encouragingly.

Here's a couple other suggestions--some popular output that you might identify with:
~Jackson Browne - Running On Empty
~Pink Floyd - Time
~Bob Seger - Night Moves
~Jackson Browne - The Pretender
~Twenty One Pilots - Stressed Out


It's a strong poem we can all identify with and that leaves us thinking. In any case, "Happy" birthday, Legwrites. *Wink*

--Jeffrey
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