Hello, Sheepies!


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:

I enjoyed reading your "Upon the edge of a broken dream" poem this evening.

Your writing kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end.



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

Happy Writing.Com Anniversary month and day! I hope you enjoy this review as a celebration of your time here and find the review uplifting and encouraging.

I found your "Upon the edge of a broken dream" poem in the "Anniversary Reviews" forum today, reviewed by someone else that I respect. I saw that my friend awarded your poem five stars, so I clicked and read your poem and enjoyed it greatly, so I decided to give you a review as a little anniversary gift. Happiest anniversary wishes to you and best wishes on your writing future too!

Your "Upon the edge of a broken dream" poem felt like an entrancing song as I read it. The rhyming in the first two thirds added greatly to that feel of the poem.

My favorite part was the bird's song, and the azure blue part was a delightfully new way to use the term.

I thought your opening and closing lines brought your "Upon the edge of a broken dream" poem full circle, and that it was a nice touch, and interesting end to the poem.

I didn't notice any spelling or grammatical mistakes in your "Upon the edge of a broken dream" poem.

I thought the experience genre you selected for this poem was appropriate matches for it.


IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:

In the spirit of helpfulness, and because of the requirements of a new reviewing challenge I joined recently, I have three little suggestions to make your piece stronger. If you're interested in some constructive criticism, read on. But if you aren't, no worries. Just know that I enjoyed your piece and move on to the next section.

Still reading? You're brave! Yay for you!

The rhyming seemed like a consistent xaxa, xbxb type scheme for the first two thirds or so of the poem, and then it veered off of that and, at least it seemed to me, stopped altogether by the end. I think it would be nicer if that scheme was maintained for the entirety of the poem. Barring that, I'd recommend starting a new stanza when you changed the rhyming format. It did make me stop reading and go up and check for the rhyme scheme at the end, so it'd make for a smoother reading experience for future readers, I think, if you did one of these two things.

The "other" genre isn't likely to net you more future readers, as I don't think anyone searches for that. I'd recommend choosing a different genre, and really three, as we are allowed three, and people do search by genre here. Perhaps "personal," "biographical," "psychological," or "nature" might be nice options to consider? There's a drop down list, as you know, because you had to use it to select "other." I don't have it memorized; those are just some suggestions. The actual list will probably be more helpful.

It's always nice for me as a reader to have the form and line count listed below the poem, perhaps in a "notes" section. I don't know how long it took me to start doing that, but once I did, readers responded favorably. So I'd recommend adding that information beneath your poem.

As with any review, please take what serves you and release or ignore what doesn't.


CONCLUSION:

I enjoyed reading your "Upon the edge of a broken dream" poem, and especially enjoyed the rhyming parts.

Thank you for sharing your time, creativity, heart, experiences, and writing with the Writing.Com community!

Once again, happy anniversary month and day! I hope the year ahead is filled with blessings and joy for you!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance during your anniversary month, and always!

PWheeler











Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 




The B.E.A.R. Fund


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .