This poem does a great job of capturing the unbearable weight of a relentless heat wave. The imagery is strong, and I can really feel the exhaustion and frustration pouring through the lines. The conversational moments, like “Child get in here and stop opening and closing that door,” give it a natural, familiar tone that makes it feel like someone is telling their story in real time. That’s what makes it so effective—it’s not just about the heat, but about the way it grinds people down, wears on their patience, and leaves them desperate for relief. The repetition of the heat’s presence makes it feel inescapable, which really works for this piece.

Ways to Make It Even Stronger (Keeping the Rhyme Intact):
Smooth Out the Flow Without Losing the Impact
Some lines are a little longer than others, which throws off the rhythm in spots. Keeping the structure more even would make it flow better.
Example:
“Power outages throughout the region has made this heat wave very mean”
Try: “The power’s out, the heat won’t fade—this wave is cruel, a deadly blade.”
This keeps the rhyme while making the line hit harder and flow more smoothly.
Make the Heat Feel Even More Suffocating with Stronger Sensory Details
The poem already describes the heat well, but adding more texture—things you can feel, hear, even taste—would make it even more immersive.
Example:
Instead of: “Days and days of solid heat, somebody said that it's already been nine”
Try: “Nine long days, the air stands still, the heat so thick it breaks my will.”
This keeps the rhyme but adds a deeper sense of exhaustion.
End with a Stronger, More Poetic Punch
The last line wraps things up, but giving it a more powerful finish would leave a stronger impact.
Example:
Instead of: “Because it’s hot out there, and I must stay alive!”
Try: “The sun still burns, no end in sight—I’ll fight for shade, I’ll last this night.”
This keeps the urgency but makes the ending more striking.
Overall, this poem already has a strong foundation and a clear voice. The emotions come through, and the imagery makes it easy to picture the scene. A few tweaks to the rhythm and sensory details would take it from strong to unforgettable. Keep going—this is a great piece!