Hello jacquestales,

This is a very nice fable. It uses animals and their natural attributes to explain how different colors are all needed to create perfection. In the case of this story, safety for both the black and the white stripe.

Right now, the text is in one solid block. My suggestion is that you make it easier on your readers by inserting paragraph breaks. It is customary to start a new line with each spoken word. Although the speakers are imaginary, in the context of this story, they are speaking.

You also need to edit the capitalization around spoken parts. Here are a couple of examples

... white stripes always think that they are better than us black lines.’ Said black stripe. the word said should have a lowercase s.

... Besides, maybe a white stripe is better than black stripe after all.’ Replied the white stripe. the word replied should have a lowercase r.

Once you have cleaned this up for grammar, you should seek to get this published. I can imagine this as a colorful children's book of a few pages. The world can always use more creative ways to explain why we all have our place on Earth.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .