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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4797690
Review #4797690
Viewing a review of:
 Rainbows and Overtures Open in new Window. [E]
Its a nice day. sci-fi
by MilkyInfinity Author Icon
Review by Annette Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Welcome to WdC from "Review a NewbieOpen in new Window. & "The WDC Angel ArmyOpen in new Window.




This is quite the magical story. There is the simple act of walking along a road and discovering that it's a pleasant day to do so. Toward the end, something wondrous happens that makes the story take a turn into the surreal. Suddenly, life isn't just simple, it's colorful and filled with strange animals. The last sentence hints at some peril to come. This could be that the animals in the sky are some kind of dragon or other air predator. Or it could be that the person who is walking has never seen geese and heard them hiss. They can be fierce and bite people.

Have a look at these writing observations I made:

Is this a typo? To set foot and take too the streets *Right* to

The word tee sounds like it's happening on a golf course. crossing every tee intersection *Right* T

The next two copied sentences show you that you changed the narrative tense halfway through the story. For ease of reading and comprehension, it's best to pick a tense and stay in it.

I was walking to get out, to get going on something, something that, I just thought I needed. Past tense.

I look up to the sky and see something. Present tense.

Cool story that was fun to read and makes me want to find out what the yelling, hissing animal / creature even is.

Annette
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