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Review #4797362
Viewing a review of:
 
An old memory Open in new Window. [E]
A short draft (Tw: Suicide)
by The fatal descent Author Icon
Review of An old memory  Open in new Window.
Review by Annette Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Welcome to WdC from "Review a NewbieOpen in new Window. & "The WDC Angel ArmyOpen in new Window.


Hello The fatal descent Author Icon,

Wow. What a piece this is! So many feelings in such a short text.

If this is an account of a true story: I am sorry that things turned out the way they did.

If this is fiction: a very well written and haunting first person narrative that absorbs the reader right into the story as in it unfolds. The chronological style makes the timeline easy to follow.

Using "till" instead of "until" is not too problematic as a stylistic choice, but have a look at the sentences that I copied below.

Maybe I could of if I would have just said yes. But maybe it would of made it worse

It always has to be "could have" or "would have" like you have it in the second instance of that turn of phrase. It was strange to me that you got it right and wrong in the same sentence.

If you go in and write more to this, it would worth to either explain a little more about the abusive relationship that was happening at the time of the call --- or leave it out. It doesn't have anything to do with the main story the way it's in here now.

Keep writing.

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