This was a really touching, emotional story. You did a great job of communicating a lot of resonant feelings in comparatively few words, through the medium of (mostly) dialogue. Well done!

I had a hard time understanding why James expected his sister to mail off his college application, or why she didn't do it. I know that's incidental to the larger point of the story, but it seemed like a very specific example, but without the benefit of specific details to better understand the "how" of what happened.

Overall, I think you're off to a great start with this piece. Well done!