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 Review #4795771 |
 | Dad's Christmas Story  [13+] Dad tells a story regarding the true happenings on Christmas Eve.  |
| (4.0)| Gifting Pebbles | Things I Loved  First, thank you for your participating entry in The Writing Dead ! Your story did a good job of meeting the prompt by injecting some zombie horror into an otherwise cozy holiday setting. The narrative starts in a lighthearted way with a father attempting to read a classic Christmas tale to his kids. But the children aren't very interested in the tradition of having the story read to them and instead want to do other things. So, the father decides to reveal the real story of Christmas and Santa. And then it becomes a story within a story for a bit. The children brush off the idea of Zombie Santa as just another story. Until, that is, they begin to experience the story themselves. I really enjoyed the premise of this story; it's like a mix of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas and The Purge. It's genius and horrifying to have to board up and protect your residence against Zombie Santa every year  The family dynamic between Granger and his children was relatable. Their interactions felt authentic and humorous, capturing the playful and often exhausting relationship between a parent and their children. Granger stands out as the most distinct to me. He has a nice mix of mischievousness and aloof energy that I think most of us can attest is an accurate portrayal of our fathers  I also liked the enthusiasm he has for telling the story while the kids offer amusing and bored reactions. Your use of dialogue is the shining moment of this piece. It's witty, humorous, and carries the story. The playful banter between Granger and his children was really entertaining. Their sarcastic responses were really effective at establishing their relationships with one another. I found the wording and sentence structure of the dialogue to be believable and true to how actual conversations sound and develop. The descriptions of Zombie Santa's decayed appearance and his predatory behavior were vivid and grotesque—exactly what's needed to make the horror elements effective and memorable. I also appreciated the use of smaller atmospheric details like the pounding on the roof. These small details are engaging and create a deeper immersion into the story. Iceberg of Ideas | Suggestions There are more than a few instances of tense shifting in the story which became distracting and took away from being fully immersed in the action of the story. A simple edit can fix this. Choose whether you want the events to be told in the past tense or present tense. Once you choose one, make sure its consistent  While Judy and Greg have a relatable relationship with their father, they feel bland outside of falling into the stereotypical bored kid that becomes rebellious. If you incorporated some individuality via quirks or voice, they'd feel more like fully-realized characters rather than stock characters that exist solely for the purpose of the plot. The story does suffer a bit from cohesion in parts. The humor and horror clash rather than complement one another, leaving the tone uneven and competing. The story of Zombie Santa and the actual story both end very abruptly. I think both deserve proper endings to give a better sense of closure for the reading experience. Why does Zombie Santa leave after the father hits his head on the tub? Why not hunt down the rest of the family that's hiding? The ending of the actual story has a sinister twist that adds intrigue but is almost too ambiguous. Instead of feeling like a shock ending, it makes the story feel incomplete and unfinished. Colony Consensus | Overall Impression This story was a fun and twisted take on holiday storytelling. It's a good read for fans of dark humor and light horror. The plot and characters have room to grow, but the unique premise and witty dialogue help push past that. Thank you for sharing the holiday horror! Edit, edit, and edit. And after that—okay, and even during—grab some spiked eggnog and board up the windows! Belly-Slide Scale of Enjoyment | Rating  4 - Waddling with style!
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You responded to this review 01/19/2025 @ 12:41pm EST