Hello, HollisFrances!


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:

I enjoyed reading your "Tribute to Cpl Hollis Rodell Sweatt USAF" today and thought it was a great way to honor your father.

Your writing kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end.



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

Happy Writing.Com Anniversary month! I hope you enjoy this review as a celebration of your time here and find the review uplifting and encouraging.

Your love for your father shined throughout this entire piece. I imagine him beaming from Heaven at you, being such a great son who honors his memory in this, and surely other great ways too.

I am not sure of the story requirements (do they have to be fiction?), but this might be a great piece to enter in the "Honoring Our Veterans" contest here, if entering contests interests you at all. This month, anything entered in that contest, I believe, also counts as an entry in "The Contest Challenge," which is run by a dear friend of mine who gives very generous rewards.

Both you and your father clearly share a great sense of humor!

I loved that both you and your father were veterans. Thank you for your service! Was your father in the United States Air Force, and stationed in England? I am guessing that to be the case, but I wasn't 100% sure that he wasn't in the British Air Force. If he was in the British Air Force, I'd be interested in learning how he met your mother. Actually, I love romance, so I'd be interested either way.

I really loved that your father continued to serve his community, even in retirement, and that he made such a great difference in so many kids' lives.

I appreciated that your tribute felt like a personal letter. It was personable and easy and interesting to me to read.

I thought the genres you selected for this poem were a perfect match for it.


IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:

In the spirit of helpfulness, and because of the requirements of a new reviewing challenge I joined recently, I have three little suggestions to make your piece stronger. If you're interested in some constructive criticism, read on. But if you aren't, no worries. Just know that I greatly enjoyed reading your piece today, and move on to the next section.

Still reading? You're brave! Yay for you!

This sentence has what I suspect is a typo. Normally, I put quoted material in quotes, but in this case, it would make it harder to see. Your sentence, as is, is the next sentence. I think it needs an end quote at the end.

In 1987, His youth football league team, Shallotte, NC Redskins won the "Turkey Bowl.

If you added the end quote, your sentence would look like this:
In 1987, His youth football league team, Shallotte, NC Redskins won the "Turkey Bowl."

I think these two sentences would be easier to understand for future readers if they were combined. Right now, they look like this:

"A few of them received honors for their play in the state championship!

Eric Johnson, Aaron Butler, and Marty Earwood."

If you combined them, one option is combining them like this:
"A few of them received honors for their play in the state championship: Eric Johnson, Aaron Butler, and Marty Earwood."

Another is like this (here they are still as two sentences, but they are closer together and it's more clear that the names go with the previous sentence):
"A few of them received honors for their play in the state championship! These few are: Eric Johnson, Aaron Butler, and Marty Earwood."

For this sentence, I would not capitalize "conclusion." Right now, your sentence looks like this:
"In Conclusion, as with most sports stories, there is much more to say about what happens off the field than on the field."

If you made my suggested change, it would look like this:
"In conclusion, as with most sports stories, there is much more to say about what happens off the field than on the field."

I'm not always so nit-picky with my reviews, but if you do enter the contest I mentioned, I want you to have the best chance of winning, so I figured I should help you as much as possible in that department. I'm a fellow veteran, and I know the contest means a lot to the host. Every entry is appreciated by him, and I think it encourages him to keep the contest going.

As with any review, please take what serves you and release or ignore what doesn't.


CONCLUSION:

I really enjoyed reading your "Tribute to Cpl Hollis Rodell Sweatt USAF," and think you and your father are awesome people.

Thank you for sharing your time, creativity, heart, experiences, and writing with the Writing.Com community!

Once again, happy anniversary month! I hope the year ahead is filled with blessings and joy for you!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance during this New Year, your anniversary month, and always!

PWheeler










Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 




The B.E.A.R. Fund


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .