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 Review #4795176 |
 | INTO THE BONEYARD  [13+] Entry for Short Shots October 2012.  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: The description and the genres you chose for this tale didn’t give much away, and even the beginning didn’t sound like a horror story. The main character was obsessed with a girl in his class, to the point that he compared her to a drug habit. It seemed more than a teenage crush but fortunately (or unfortunately, as it turned out) for him, she liked him as well. There was something odd about both of them - Tracy came across as a control freak, and Billy seemed a little too determined to take back control. I had all sorts of ideas where this story might be going, and none of them had a happy ending for the couple. I didn’t get it right though; none of my scenarios were what actually happened. You took the story in an unexpected direction when they went to the graveyard on their date, and it soon became apparent that Tracy wasn’t the sweet girl she pretended to be. Actually, I wasn’t quite sure what she was but in the end, it didn’t matter. She very much remained in control all the way to the end.  Suggestions: The story was well written, but I was missing a bit of action closer to the beginning. You started with several paragraphs of details about the two characters and how they felt about each other, and it wasn’t until quite a bit later that the first words between them were spoken. It might be personal preference but in my opinion, it works better to break up long narratives with a bit of dialogue, perhaps even convey some of the information by having characters talk about it rather than explaining it to the readers. You run the risk of the readers skimming over long paragraphs and missing some of the details.  Final Thoughts: I noticed that this story was written for the October Short Shots contest so I assume that the image prompt was a scary one. I would always recommend including the prompt in the story, just because it’s interesting to see what inspired it. I didn’t particularly warm to Billy; he seemed a little too self-assured and eager to control the relationship - which seemed to be Tracy’s issue with him as well. Not that she was one to talk… Both characters were well drawn and I could easily imagine them, especially during the chase which was very eerie. I enjoyed the read!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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