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Review #4794211
Viewing a review of:
 Perception Open in new Window. [E]
Blair sees her fifty-foot nightmare.
by Purple OnePride Author Icon
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#4794211
Review of Perception  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Greetings, Purple Princess!

I'm here as a fellow member of I Write 2025.

This is a fun little story... At first I thought it was describing a dream, going by the word in the subtitle, and when we arrived at the shift in font after your utilization of the prompt phrase, I figured that must be "real life" again.

You've made it lots more fun by making it entirely real and reasonable, though. I've heard before that critters look bigger when they're moving, and if a kid is terrified of snakes, I'm sure they would indeed appear way bigger than they actually are. Plus, I've always had a hard time estimating distances visually, though perhaps not to such an extreme extent... *Laugh*

Where Blair says "it was horrifying!" You left out the letter T in "it." I'm a super cheapskate when it comes to word counts; I love (well, maybe it can get a little tedious) going over and over my works trying to trim out excess and compact everything as briefly as possible. I think if you reworked some of the descriptions of fear in the first half, you can add a description of what the Scarlet Kingsnake looks like. When I saw the name I remembered the Coral Snake, which looks similar to the King Snake but with reversed stripes. Have you ever heard the rhyme “red and black, friend of Jack, red and yellow, kill a fellow”? That’s how to tell the difference…

I noticed you have this listed as a “serial” instead of a “short story,” which was probably a slip of the mouse. Also, I always recommend adding a third genre such as “Comedy,” “Nature” or “Environment” or “Family.” It’ll help others find it when browsing.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4794211