%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4793444 |
 | Asphalt Therapy  [13+] CJ and Annie hit the road to get away and unwind. Sometimes it's all about the journey.  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: Men like CJ are hard to come by. I know, I’ve looked, and it took me several attempts to find one. Annie was one of the lucky ones; he took her concerns seriously and did his best to help. At first, he saw the funny side when she was throwing a tantrum over a technical issue, but he quickly realised that she wouldn’t see it the same way and switched to ‘caring’ mode. I could identify quite strongly with Annie. I, too, have a tendency to yell at inanimate objects and get overwhelmed quickly. Unlike Annie though, I would hate nothing more than a road trip with no particular destination. But while that would make me very anxious, it was just the right therapy for her. She needed to get away to clear her head, and they needed the time together to talk. I felt I got to know both of them quite well in this story but especially her.  Suggestions: The story was very polished and I only have a couple of small suggestions: “You’ve got to be frickin kidding me? Technically, the way this is worded it’s not a question so it should probably have an exclamation mark rather than a question mark at the end. Also, the two other sentences in that paragraph are questions which makes it a little repetitive. This was a strong start, by the way. I’ve been told that stories should not start with dialogue because the readers don’t know who is speaking, but I thought it worked here because any reader who has ever used a computer can relate to the issue. “Wherever the road takes us.” …go where the road takes us.” There were quite a few paragraphs between those two sentences but the story isn’t long enough for the repetition to not be noticeable. I would suggest replacing one of them with a different phrase.  Final Thoughts: It’s interesting how writers like to write and read about other writers. Maybe it’s because we can relate to their issues, as I could here. That nagging feeling at the back of your head when you’re not sure why you can’t write and you fear you’ll never get it back - that sounds all too familiar. Here, it was clear that whatever happened, they would be facing it together, and it was a fitting ending to the story.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
A Review from: "
You have not yet responded to this review.