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Review #4790345
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The Worst Christmas Open in new Window. [E]
This was surely the worst Christmas present Gracie was ever going to get.
by Angels in my Ear Author Icon
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#4790345
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hallo!
I was looking for 'holiday' themed pieces to review and came across this one! Many years ago the Short Shots Official contest had a very similar picture as a prompt, and I got curious about your story.

Here goes:
1. The title and brief description are intriguing enough for the reader to want to read on.
2. Maybe you'd like to look at the layout in terms of font, size and line-space to make it a bit easier on the eye.
3. The first sentence hooks the reader - why is she pouting in a setting where people are supposed to be having fun? The conflict is well set up and one can understand the different points of view.
The child's point of view is, of course, the predominant one and well portrayed.
4. In Paragraph #3, I like the fact that she changed her attitude and how she did it, but I felt that change came too quickly in the story. I personally feel there should have been more interaction with the family, or more evidence of them leaving her alone, or some 'spark' to make her change.
5. The bit about the surprise the brother had is lovely. I'd have liked a little more insight into her relationship with her brother (you've said 'even' he was being nice). So - was it in / out of character for him to make this surprise?
6. The ending left one warm and fuzzy!
(Refer to Point #4 above) I think you could leave out the 'realisation' before the brother's snowman, and let the realisation come after that.
7. I found no errors or typos.

Overall, I love the story.
My suggestions are mainly because I got into the world of your characters and wanted to know more! *Smile*

Thanks for the snowman that can't melt!
Write On,
Sonali

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