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 Review #4788289 |
 | The Bracelet Quest  [E] A knight goes on a quest to find a princess, and kill a dragon, in a magical forest.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I’m not sure where to start with this: The brave knight who was neither particularly brave nor bright, his squire who had his wits about him, the princess who couldn’t go home because she lost her hairband, or the fearsome dragon who was about the size of a medium breed dog, who spoke in a deep voice. There was so much going on and I was chuckling a few times at the chaos. Albert wasn’t thrilled about this ‘quest’, but since it was the king who ordered him to go, he couldn’t get out of it. His sleep was more important though, both before and during the quest. Had it not been for Mark, he never would have made it. It was also Mark who saved the day since both the knight and the princess didn’t really know what was going on. The only one who didn’t get much of a chance to display either his wit or his incompetence was the dragon, and I would have liked to learn more about him.  Suggestions: I spotted a few small punctuation errors: What choice do I have? --- I can think of no other alternative.” You missed the opening speech marks before “What”. suggested the squire, "We could disappear The comma should be a period. "Shouldn't we find out where she lost it and what it looks like first," said Mark? The question mark at the end should be before the closing speech marks, instead of the comma. "The magical cloth bracelet is golden brown and about this thick (Pear held her index finger and thumb about an inch apart) and I lost it while playing hide and seek in these trees." I would suggest using the part in brackets as the dialogue tag with the words she says either side, like this: "The magical cloth bracelet is golden brown and about this thick,” Pear held her index finger and thumb about an inch apart, “and I lost it while playing hide and seek in these trees."  Final Thoughts: I liked the playful tone of the story, the way the knight argued with the king and the squire argued with the knight, the way none of them were especially smart and achieved their goal purely by luck. The bird was a great addition to the travelling party, just one of many silly things that happened, which made the story a fun read.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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