This came up on 'Read & Review'.

This is a sweet story of a love that defied even death. A child with a parent, helping her cope with loss, and the losing her as well.

There is a lot to unpack here.

Punctuation-wise, a few errors; just needs an edit. Then there is: "Was she just relaxing…….OR…..NOOOOO!!!!!!" Why so many dots? Ellipses have 3. Why the capital "OR"? Why so many exclamation marks? I get you're trying to indicate grief, but that does not work.

You said she was 47 years old today... but she was already dead. We tend to stop counting age after death. Unless this happened on her birthday, but that was confused.

There was a lot of information that was not relevant to the story. What did the father working soap operas mean? Didn't add anything, didn't give character development. WHy does the meaning of the narrator's name matter? The name is never used again. Lots of things like that.

The biggest thing, though, is there is no emotion... apart from the "Was she just relaxing…….OR…..NOOOOO!!!!!!" I guess. It was all tell, very little show. This story could have held such a powerful emotional punch, but it was like the sort of thing someone would say in a eulogy. It was muted and lacked that impact the story really was crying out for.

Now, I apologise if this sounds harsh, but I see a lot of promise and potential in this story. The tale itself is rich. You have that romance imagination that really works for this genre. It just could do with more power.

In my opinion.

Good luck going forward.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .