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Review #4782195
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Rated: | (3.5)
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Well, this is a mixed-up story if I ever saw one, but in an ingenious way. I found it difficult to follow at first because of the narrator’s poor spelling and the fragmented entries, but I was fascinated by the difficulties of his life and became concerned about what would happen to him and Abby.

At first, indeed, I wondered if the poor spelling was your own problem, you did such a good job of creating the unreliable narrator. But it became easier to comprehend once the poor guy got a little older and learned how to spell.

Along those lines, I think it might be more striking if he already knows how to spell/write fairly well and begins forgetting some of it after his brain injury. Perhaps he could express frustration and complain that he doesn't like writing in his journal anymore because he has to keep looking up words he can't remember how to spell. Also, I'm not sure someone can develop schizophrenia after a brain injury, and it would be difficult to recover from something like that without reliable access to medication and therapy.

I have to say, the slew of family names had me very confused. I couldn't keep track of who was related to who, who was dating who, who exactly Lily is, etc. I think what you could do is provide a list of major characters at the beginning of the journal entries to help us keep track of them all, that way the boy doesn't have to try to explain it to us, only refer to them in passing. This would also give a sense of organization to your item, which looks rather messy right now. Of course I know the messiness is part of the journal effect; I thought it was a clever touch to throw in the 100 "I'm sorry's" and the annoying math questions, which shows the notebook is multipurpose.

I liked watching Max grow and develop his self-awareness over the years, and I especially loved the little note where 26-year-old Max steps in and scribbles he and Abby are still together in some form. The hardships he faced are profound, more than the typical "child of the sixties" love story we might expect. Rather than a hippie jamming to endless pop culture references, we see a kid struggling with a gritty upbringing and trying to figure himself out with only one true friend.

One thing kinda seemed out of place, when Abby laughed at Max when she was writing for him in the hospital. But I guess that's what kids do.

I would suggest trying to tidy up the formatting by underlining the dates... Oh that's right, I was going to suggest that alongside the actual numerical dates you add notes in parentheses, "Three Days Later," "A Week Later," etc, to give us a more easily relatable sense of the passage of time than having to figure out how long was between 9-9-66 and 11-24-66, you know? I mean, it's probably just a little thing, but I thought it might improve the reading experience.

For that matter, a little more of an ending wrapup by adult Max might be satisfying. Maybe he found this old journal in Lily's or Abby's attic when they got married or something? Hey, just a fun thought.

Also, I don't really see too much of the misogyny or sexism you say Max has. He doesn't have anything he didn't pick up from the creepy men around him, and he lacks a good adult female to look up to, but I don't see any terribly obnoxious flaws that an average boy of that era wouldn't have. Perhaps a more well-defined character arc would be good, but I have no clear idea on how to do that right now.

This was gripping and interesting, but I did get a little impatient with the sloppiness of having to rely on Max's scribbling to figure out what was going on.

I hope I've been of some help.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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