%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4775652 |
 | Ice Princess Has A Crisis Part One  [ASR] The Ice Princess's land of ice is melting.  |
| An Angel Army Review Hi Princess Megan Rose . I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Ice Princess Has A Crisis Part One" . I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.  Overall Impression. I found your item on the site's Read & Review feature in the Navigation menu. The Ice Princess is concerned--the Arctic ice is melting. She has concerns that she needs to answer. Polar bears--good; humans--bad. Apparently she believes humans are the cause of the melting. Estranged from her sister, the Snow Princess, she swallows her pride to meet with her sister and come up with a solution to both their problem. Your story is Part 1. Thus, this part basically sets the stage for future stories regarding the subject of Global Warming. There are not potential solutions offered in this episode; perhaps we'll see those solutions in subsequent parts. The two sisters realize they must work together. I found your tale written in the manner of a children's story. The grammar seemed very basic. Perhaps this is your intent. In that case, well done. But you list your item as Fantasy and Mythology; Children's is not listed. May I suggest you read your story out loud. Some aspects don't flow easily to me as a reader. I believe you'll hear those spots while reading mush easier than just reading silently.  Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. One mispelling: Artic should be Arctic. Watch how you place written thoughts. For example the following ones don't really belong together. The Ice Princess wasn't happy. The Artic was melting and she had saved her polar bears from drowning. It sounds like she's unhappy at saving the polar bears ... which is not the case. My Rating. Review only; no rating.  Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.Reviewed by JACE   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You have not yet responded to this review.