Hi,


I came across your item, liked what I read and would like to share my thoughts about it.


Plot: This is a non-fiction about a woman going through her greatest loss, only to get new hope high, and almost experiencing a crushing loss again. In the end, though, she's got a very unlikely but happy ending.



Style/Voice: 1st person, Sarah (you?)



Setting: Mostly the hospital. The "fish tank" was sticking out most.



Characters: N/A Non-fiction.



Grammar: Beware! Below I've pointed out, corrected things and made suggestions based on how I would've put things. However, I'm ESL, so you might not agree with everything.



(...) evereven when I didn’t understand myself.

We were just yackingyakking

(...) my doctor leaped on the gurney WHAT!?

"Wait(comma) or something."

"She's fine,(quote marks)...

“Why? What’s wrong.(question mark)

For my husband to return,(period) For something.

She overflowed her bed, What does that mean?

(...) and handed me,(no comma) my daughter.

But youyour daughter does!”





Personal Opinion: Hallo, I know I'm very late, but I wanted to return the favor of you reviewing "Bratlava"  for Journey through Genres. Life interfered, and a pipeline full of reviews. But here I am.

This, Ma'am, was a rollercoaster of and tour-de-force through any possible emotion out there.

I was perplexed how your mom came to her right conclusion by just studying you, but I'm the kid whose mom, who claimed she wanted children only found out in the second trimester I was around.

I was perplexed at how "next time" could happen so early... after. Physically it's possible, but after such a crushing loss I wouldn't even have thought about doing that so quickly again afterwards (not to mention probably being still too sore).

I wanted to kick your so-called husband in their prickly head for how he treated you; I'd have dumped that poop, father or not. I need my energy for my family, not for pampering his prickly butt. But I'm aware that money, and so a breadwinner, is crucial in these circumstances, too, and not everyone would have the "kick out" option.

I wanted to kick most of the medical personnel at the hospital in their rude butts, too. To treat an expecting woman, and even more one fearing for her child's life, like that leaves me speechless, even if there's a lot going on parallel. And I thought German med personnel is already rude... and now I find out I'm fine off. (One hospital stay I "camped out", too, though, because they put me together with a guy who snored like a rhinoceros and refused to give me sleeping pills because I got a med they would interfere with.)

I even laughed... about your dad, and how your mom sent him on his mission. Poor chap! (But I was in the situation once, too, and it embarrassed the poop outta me, and I'm female.) You would've needed a man like him at your side , not the other. Your close bond shone as one of the few positive lights in this angsty story.

In the end, I was just tearing through the words on the screen, hoping that kid lives, and lives WELL, despite all odds. I had tears in my eyes, sat on my chair's edge, and hoped that everything will turn out well. I could so understand why you were conflicted about putting a name on her while at the same time negotiating with whatever higher power who would listen.

I was SO glad and relieved it happened to you. The name you chose for her also fits perfectly as it's Italian for "my beloved / dear / treasured". I found her so real and vividly before my inner eye, how you described her, her mannerisms. My mom listened to music the whole time, too (I still listen to it with 41) but I never did what Cara did.

I hope Cara remained well and is a healthy adult right now writing her own family story. I think her kids would've a great Grandma to serve as an example to follow.

On a side note: I LOVED the John Denver song. Not only it was evident (and explained) where some of your writing around the "fish tank" came from, but it's really -ly beautiful.

Thank you for sharing your story.



Don't forget that I'm just someone voicing her opinion. You know best what's best for your story / piece.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .