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 Review #4772209 |
 | Winter's Touch  [E] Description of winter in a poem.  |
| (4.0)    HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews"  Celebrating your writing this month with a review. Happy (Belated...by 3 weeks) Account Anniversary Anders J. Skeleton , I note the poem "Winters Touch" (not hyphenated?) as the title of a very sensory poem that has me considering so much in all different directions with just these 15 syllables. Some writers would cut all the articles and tighten this to the sweetest, shortest expressions. This piece performs wonderfully, but I'll make light argument for more tightening here: A harsh chill, the icy grasp; cold wind pulls. Snow will sting, winter’s touch If anyone knows the sensory of winter words like these, it's the boy who walked to school every January, with ice forming on hair and face, Northern Michigan winter funneling down railroad tracks past the frozen junkyard that could drop temps to 20 below. I can truly appreciate the mix of imagery and sensory within the brevity of a five line expression. Which, by the way, is helped by that title "Winters Touch" as a mode of personification. Maybe, as the ending line, a bit awkward, or stilted? I like the brevity of this poem and how you describe with carefully chosen words that need to provide every bit to the poem to give the reader an experience. Most of all, grab onto them without one moment of doubt about phrase or expression in depiction to help not only concur but feel or recreate a feeling of what this winter sensation could be about. I'm not sure if this is prompt generated and limited by an activity/contest, or if the poet can play with it more, but I see potential in this, with or without some expansion. It's no haiku which also deals with nature and this could be incorporated easily into one. But, I see a structure that uses a 3-4-3-3-2 syllable count in the five lines. That's only 15 syllables. I could pare it by one and make icy into ice and have that one syllable cadence carry out. You know what, throw out "A" at the beginning and it's 13. Hit it hard with "Harsh chill" with words that readers can sense immediately, with the added assonance. It continues with "the icy grasp." Perhaps, 'icy' isn't a bad choice after all if you drop the article from the poem outset. Line three I trouble with: 'cold wind pulls' I'm thinking about wind direction and a body forcing to cut a swath through it, as if uphill. I can't sense pulling, just pushing. However, if swirling, or quick change in direction, I can sense a push and pull effect, like a revolving door/eddy to tornado. Something to consider, should you want to play with this line. I think we're taken out of the moment in line four, because I was in the present from open. It's suggestion the poet is in a cozy environment, noting winter weather and leaving me out in the cold yelling 'hey! why'd you go inside?'  My suggestion is to remain active 'stinging snow' perhaps? Could that better lead into 'winter's touch'? I'm just now noticing the absence of assonance in that middle line where all others carry ess sounds. In a way, this incorporates a bit of auditory if you can find the right sound word or expression that lends to the poem's natural sounds.I'm snow blind here. I notice there is no actual scene, just sensation. This poem speaks to experience of winter, quite possibly not in the present. Some words give the feeling, so I have to put myself in that environment to consider. It makes me think of all kinds of funny things a poem could do now, with a poet sticking his head outside, get the first sensation, writes it down. Then, dares another arctic blast, and yup, there's that too. I think your poem has deep roots in my veins. All kinds of ways to consider this, project into different avenues, larger or short writes, to incorporation scene, more theme, beyond the descriptive imagery and word sounds emanating. I do like this. I feel it's part inspired but not tinkered with enough. I will go through edits on some poems for years, if it's worth the effort. My blog is riddled with notations of dates each new edit. I just overdo it, a lot of stuff. Maybe, that's what makes me annoying to some? I do it, reviews like this, because I learn through these processes. Fun to poke my head in and see different perspectives, approaches and the similar POVs. I find some commonalities with the few poems of yours witnessed to arrive at an anniversary review. Mostly, acknowledging all the recent elbow bumping. I'm a bit obtuse, if we've met before...gone through old emails to see I've had notes from people for years before I caught on. Well that's enough of me. Thanks for sharing your words so I can babble on, hopefully coherently. Brian WDC Account Anniversary and Super Power Reviewer 
I wanted to round up to 4.5; it's almost there.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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