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 Review #4771597 |
 | A Heavy Kind of Freedom  [13+] Fight, flight, freeze and die, or freeze and pray, but is this death truly freedom's way?  |
| (4.5)| Hello, I'm StephBee and I am reviewing your story for
 My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines. INSPIRATIONThis story was inspired by the prompt, "Fast Car" performed by Tracey Chapman and Luke Combs. To judge the contest, I watched the video prompt and took away the following: The performance was soulful, moody, honest, and raw. The song itself spoke of wanting more for one's life, looking for that break, and finding peace. I'm looking for similar qualities and emotions.  THE STORYBoth Georgie and Jenny have hard decisions to make for a fast car and an opportunity to leave their world behind.  WHAT I LIKEDI thought the story was a good, creative take on the prompt.  POV NARRATION/TENSEThis is told in the third person limited from Jenny's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately. DIALOGUEDialogue accents the narration. Good use of dialogue tags. DESCRIPTIONSThere's enough to set the scenes. I especially liked: "She hated the men on the other side of the bar. Fat, drunk, boasting of lives out there that she could not afford and were probably made up anyway." The author does a good job using a nice economy of words to paint the setting and hint at emotion - a longing for something better in life. SETTINGTIME: modern day PLACE: rural setting This is something that is clarified for the reader. CHARACTERSJenny There's enough here to understand Jenny motivations. While Georgie makes the decision to steal the car, it's Jenny who has the ultimate decision to make in order for them to have a better life, and it yet comes at a high price. MECHANICSI did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to increase the font and make easier on the eyes to read. DID I SEE THE INSPIRATION?  PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONSThe opening intrigues the reader and does a good job setting up the mood and tone for the rest of the story. I thought story was honest and raw, similar elements I took away from Chapman's and Comb's performance of "Fast Car." The title is reflective of the inspiration found in the song used for the contest. Word count was listed in accordance with the rules. Good luck in the contest. An Angel Army Review
 
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You responded to this review 09/02/2024 @ 4:04am EDT