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 Review #4770245 |
 |  | ~Stolen Emotion  [13+] I still love you.  |
| (4.5)    HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews"  Celebrating your writing this month with a review. Happy Account Anniversary Keep it creepy,fuzzy & staiNed I think you know why I'm here.  To give you an anniversary review, of course.An old poem. Let's give it a look. "Stolen Emotion" is fairly straight forward and reads like a letter. But as poem, this nears lyrics and could have some hook lines like "Once we savored bliss" and "but your thirst perished." What I'm not fond of is a "deadened cloud of agony" because I can't picture that. I do prefer 'love burned to ashes' vs 'burnt', because I feel it hits harder. It could be preceded by "our" as in "our loved burned to ashes," which would also serve well as lyrics as part of a chorus. There's a lot of emotion here. For some, it might seem intimidating with that second line, "smothering indistinctness of betrayal" but I like the risk because those three integral words play off each other and give something for the reader to ponder and how that might relate in their own terms. It's better to challenge than settle. What seemed forced is "Tears follow pain, follow rain..." And it's a bit too straightforward. I'm trying to decide the mood of the narrator here. What can we consider other than someone who's been jilted and dealing with the sorrow? The end is sad because "I still love you." That's powerful, but could it have been expressed another way, since you have some metaphors at work? Either way, it serves. I should remark on the "What have you done to me?" That's powerful in and of itself. It gets a reader hooked and we immediately know we are witnesses to words that seem to be spoken to the wall, no other outlet, but perhaps pen the poem. It feels honest in this regard and can be appreciated by others who have felt this pain, who empathize. Ultimately, it's a poem about being stuck. No place for that love to flow. Perhaps, a question to ponder is how long before the realization that the 'thirst' dried up? Was there an attempt to hold on and make it work? Sometimes, it's worse when it's suspected they are about to break it off. And, if unspoken, unable to muster the courage to ask, is like hoping it won't happen. For me there is a poem within this poem, because I can imagine scenes playing out before the breakup pain. This is interesting to consider and has a lot of emotion at work, but not hatred, which is refreshing; and yet, leaves a reader ultimately sad...partly due to the brevity of the poem. There's not much for the speaker here to say. There's a sense of hopelessness and no words can justify or cure. It's the worse few days a person will have until enough time passes. Yeah, with a little work, if you're not done with this one, it could resonate even more deeply, or become song lyrics with some of those refrains. Hit up Brandiwynš¶  . We talked about collaborating once upon a time. Not sure what's she's up to now. But, yeah. It's definitely got a music vibe that with a little coaxing could really emote those feelings. It gives me thoughts of how this voice might sound, too. Can't cast any songstresses in my mind. Adele does all the heartbreak. Have to go back a way.Pleasure to have read your poem in acknowledgment of your WDC Account Anniversary, Brian WDC Account Anniversary and Angel Army Reviewer    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 08/26/2024 @ 3:31pm EDT