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Review #4767982
Viewing a review of:
 This old dog   [E]
this is the first poem of my collection called "Poems from the heart"
by Sunny
Review of This old dog  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Dear Sunny ,

This is a sad poem, Sunny. "This old dog" is an interesting title to a short offering that appears simple and direct. If I dig a little deeper, look for something in the narrative that cloaks as a self-reference, I will find it. But, there are descriptions only of an animal, thus far. Otherwise, reader and speaker seem to steer toward a connection with an 'old dog', living out its last years. There is more to be considered reading between the lines for the poem's information. That's where I'll start this review.

There is some sensory experience but especially empathy flowing through the first four lines..."This old dog longs to rest/To feel the breeze in its fur/To have the warmth/Of the sun on it’s spotted nose..." It's interesting to note how this is broken up and where the emphasis of the words are placed to show a little something in that imagery.

That break between line three and four is early and decides to drive on two fragments "To feel the breeze in its fur" / "To have the warmth," which I think is an interconnected sensory experience here. You share from the dog being tired, to it experiencing relaxation, and then finish referencing the sun on its spotted nose...thus, description. It feels deliberate, but naturally breaks this up for reader.

There definitely are characteristics of a dog relaxing in its latter years, but is contrasted with the last three lines: "This old dog is losing her youth/This old dog is going to come to and end/-the end of a chapter"...I feel this is where the emphasis has changed from dog to the narrative voice/self. We can assume the dog's voice or the narrator giving the dog it's own voice, but there is an unnatural transition from watching an old dog and then relating the rest of the poem to the speaker.

It feels like a self-describing section, thus evoking sympathy from the reader, perhaps sadly forecasting the end of a part of life...because it's only the end of a chapter, not story/life. But, it suggests the best part of the dog's story is over, possibly well past falling action. Perhaps, nearing summary?

There is no detachment from speaker at this point in describing the dog that originally felt like empathy in observation. Now it is speaker foretelling the future, even though we sometimes think we know the fate of an animal. But, if it's just a chapter, it's not dying. Therefore, this poem might seem a little confusing because of its approach to depicting the 'old dog'.

But, for a reader, there will be connection, their own interpretation. And, the little bit that's obtuse gets them to think/feel, go from empathy to sympathy. There's no argument to be made about what this is about, but what this is supposed to make a reader feel.

I felt empathy, an understanding through experience of how life does end, that parts of life are better than others, and that getting 'old', the emphasized word, is what puts a chapter of life to rest. We can feel something symbolically here, too.

What if there's no dog? What if this is just expression to express how life is, operates, how we feel in relationship to it? Your poem might seem simple on the surface. I see many layers and much to consider.

There was one small typo where you intend 'an' instead of 'and' in line six. Without punctuation, while using capitals to begin every line, the poem could confuse, but you make simple and direct statements that are easy to read and consider for your audience. It functions.

Your poem is an interesting choice to start a collection and could imagine it might be about wisdom, experience, aging and gets into nostalgia and more to lend to theme. I haven't read anything else by you, since I picked this up on the read and review page. It was a pleasure to discover and consider for feedback.

You're not a newbie to this, are you? Good to have your words in the WDC universe.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Ange Army Reviewer
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